I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this recently: “I don’t have that kind of time for myself.”
At first blush, this is very understandable. Simply the pressures of living are enough to keep one occupied from dawn to dusk. It seems as though more things pile on to our To-Do lists than go off of them. Something has to get cut out, but what is it? Is it the time you take for yourself?
For so many people, that is the first thing they give up. For those of us who are introverts and highly sensitive, this decision is self-sabotage. Let’s look what can happen to see why.
Imagine yourself as a paper cup full of liquid, which represents your inner resources. With each new thing you take on, punch a hole in the side of the cup relative to the size of the commitment or task. How many holes you have and of what size depends on what you are attempting to take on. How does your mental picture look?
You might feel how it affects you, too: that by taking on more things you get more tired, feel more frazzled and become stretched too thinly over what you have to manage. Help! What’s going on here? You are depleting yourself! Your cup could end up completely dry. And this is the self-sabotage place for we who are introverts and highly sensitive.
The sensible question becomes: How do you refill the liquid in your cup? Put another way, how do you renew your inner resources? By your own self-care routine and taking time for yourself. This is the only way your cup ever gets filled.
Now imagine your cup is overflowing with liquid. What happens in this case? You approach life with gusto, imagination, creativity, and seeing more options. You simply have more resources to use in any situation. You also cherish those resources more and discern the better spots to apply them.
That’s the power of taking time for yourself.
When there is not enough time for yourself, there is only one place to look for relief– at yourself. No one else will ask you to slow down or take care of yourself. It’s a precious gift only you can give to you.
Which way do you choose?
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
An interesting thing just happened. I sat down to write a new post. With a few sentences on the page, I was magnetically drawn into the present moment. The silence was palpable.
The moment sparkled. I was spellbound with my own breathing and heartbeat. I could feel my body intently. It seemed as if that was all that mattered.
Why such a dramatic shift? The past month has been a whirlwind. Working from home is not always ideal, especially when you have contractors in the house. I’ve had painters here for 4 weeks and a few days. And with them comes a level of commotion I’m simply not used to.
Furniture moved…extra cleaning…rearranging moved things…color selection…then changing colors…people talking in the background…office moved…questions to be answered. I think you get the drift. For 5 to 6 days each week, it was the same routine.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy with my new colors and the soothing atmosphere I now have. It fits and I’m glad I did it. It is just the experience of it all that can get to be overload for the highly sensitive person that I am.
In stark contrast, that shining moment of silence was healing. Nothing was in the way. Nothing was distracting. A moment to Be, and Be, and Be.
Relishing the silence even more…Ahhhhh
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
One pattern I’ve seen time and time again for our introverted and highly sensitive types is the pattern of stalling before we get to action. And with that pattern, it seems that our dreams and desires simply float into ether, going unrealized and leaving us unfulfilled.
From clients, I’ve heard justifications, fears, doubts and excuses galore. All of it makes sense when you put them in the context of the situation. Yet, the fact that one lets them exist still leaves us without any forward movement.
One fear I hear often is simply around movement itself. “Gee, I’m okay just as I am…” they say, ignoring the pain or disappointment they mentioned in their previous statement. I remind them that no one says movement has to be swift. Just making movement at whatever pace is comfortable for you is fine.
Not every moment is one for forward movement, though. In my e-book, Powerful Tips for Inner-Directed Individuals, I talk about stretching from strength. That means making sure all your needs are satisfied and assuring that you are as strong as you can be. You want a firm foundation and alignment, just like in proper exercise practice. Stretching from strength keeps you from falling.
That strength comes more easily when you invest in your self-care. There is something about making regular contributions to yourself that simply makes forward movement so much easier.
The secret to great beginnings is self-care. Without it, there may be no beginnings at all.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Whew! How much faster can things go?
How many more demands on my time and energy can I take?
How long before I just collapse?
When will it end?
Have you ever had thoughts like these running in your head? Many of us have.
And this is what my life has been like recently. Business demands have been high and all the while, I have painters in the house going on 3 weeks now and more is coming. It seems as though everything is out of place and in chaos all at once. And my usual serene environment is going through major disruption.
Go back to those thoughts for a moment. Did you notice the negative tinge to them? Each one is making what is happening in the now wrong.
This kind of thinking can feel like a giant magnetic pull into what seems like an endless pit of negativity. And seeing what’s wrong comes naturally to me, as I grew up in the presence of that perspective. Drat, more magnetic pull!
The shift comes for me when you start to recognize what’s right with whatever is happening. Two states of being helped me shift to that today. One is acceptance. “Okay, this is where I’m at now. I can continue to resist it or I can accept what is.” Feel into that thought and see which one relaxes you. Ah, acceptance can be transforming.
The other state of being is trusting that all is as it is supposed to be. I believe we are not in complete control in this life. Some force beyond our human senses is working with us. Notice the word “with.” That one word brings about the trust factor. And therefore, I cannot do anything all on my own.
Acceptance and trusting shifted my day. The painter called and said no one would be here today. Yippee! A free day to enjoy my environment on my own, even if it is a bit jumbled up. But they may work tomorrow – Saturday – to catch up. Still, this is just what I needed today. Tomorrow, I will focus on more accepting and more trusting.
One day at a time.
Read my original post on being busy with other coping skills here
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Over the weekend, I took time to work on those many things that piled up during the week: laundry, mending, house cleaning, and the rest of all that kind of stuff. I could have just as easily decided to go out and play in the unusually warm weather we’re having. Yet, I knew what would happen this week if I did. I would have been miserable trying to catch up on everything.
Why? Because being highly sensitive, I take in so much more stimuli than other people who are not like me. That makes my environments so important. I want them to be pleasing and soothe me. Anything else quickly turns into a toleration.
Tolerations are all those things that chew up your energy and take up space in your mind. You know the kind of things, like:
- Your browser that locks up when you are trying to get something on the web
- The bathtub drain that goes too slow
- Listening to others’ gossip
- Dissatisfaction with your own appearance
- The leak in the irrigation system
- Overflowing closets, cupboards or drawers
- The boss’s nagging you to finish your part of her pet project
Can you feel the energy drain just thinking about having these things in your life? Without those tolerations, you have that energy and space to do other things you’d rather do.
Here are some reasons tolerations are so important for highly sensitive people (HSPs):
- We are sensors, so we take in more information to process. Tolerations cause us to take in what isn’t best for us.
- We are more sensitive to our environment that others. Therefore, even small things that are not ideal for us can cause an upset.
- We tend to carry thoughts and feelings around with us and not express them. So carrying tolerations adds an extra burden.
- Interference from events, people or situations that are not ideal can make it harder to listen to your own inner guidance, which tells you what’s good for you.
- We are not naturally high-energy people. So using energy for something that is not necessary or beneficial just doesn’t make sense.
Do you want to find out how to handle tolerations better? To learn why you carry tolerations and what you can do to live without them FOREVER? Yes, it is possible. All the details are here for Eliminating Tolerations
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Perhaps you don’t realize it, or maybe you do, but today is the anniversary of the passing Thomas Leonard. And maybe that name doesn’t mean anything to you, so let me explain.
Thomas was known as the “father of coaching.” Trained as a CPA, he noticed that his typical client wanted to talk with him about more than the numbers in their life. They wanted to talk about goals, needs, the future and many other things. And here’s where Thomas’s brilliance starts to shine.
He wasn’t complacent about these wants. He went out and created an industry, looking behind the need at what skills would be needed for someone to effectively help this type of person. From that, he created 2 coaching schools and 2 coach certifying bodies all by his mid-40’s when he was suddenly taken from this earth. Prolific only starts to describe his lifetime accomplishments.
What I appreciated about Thomas was more subtle than the typical resume or CV would contain. Thomas had some of the great attributes of our inner-directed type. I knew Thomas to be an introvert and “super sensitive person” – his way of describing what most of us know as “highly sensitive” today.
For instance, I always admired his quick mind and ability to sum things up in memorable words. He grasped concepts quickly and saw “below the water line” of what was going on. This is very typical of introverts who generally possess these faculties, but Thomas used them in extraordinary ways.
Thomas also introduced me to the concept of being sensitive. And he did it in such a positive way, knowing that sensitivity is an asset. In fact, Thomas thought every one of us, whether highly sensitive or not, needed to become more sensitive to everything. He thought that many of life’s issues and problems started simply because we had become less responsive to things that mattered. To become more sensitive would erase the issue or problem before it became one. Genius!
And Thomas had a quality I don’t see in many inner-directed folks: he was lightning quick to act. Instead of thinking things over and wondering, he seized every moment of every day, often working odd hours simply because the thoughts and energy was there. For example, on September 11, 2001, after the World Trade Centers were hit by those terrorist-driven planes, he held calls to help people process what was happening. He knew what was needed and he provided it. And it was Thomas who said “Delay is increasingly costly.” That was 10 years ago or so. I wonder what he would think today.
Thomas touched many lives. I’m grateful he touched mine.
Chances are that you’ve come to know parts of yourself from the labels used by society. Some labels are psychological, such as introvert, highly sensitive person (HSP) or maybe even ADHD. Others are more social in nature, like being known as aloof, standoffish, quiet, shy or timid. Regardless, labels limit you within their artificial confines identified by the commonly accepted thoughts and behaviors that become entrenched with the label. Still, you can live beyond the limits of any label.
I’m not trying to knock labels. We all need them to quickly communicate a thought or concept. Labels, by themselves, aren’t harmful. Yet, they can be harmful when you adopt one as your main identity or approach to life. That’s where their restricting character comes in.
I used to live to the label of introvert pretty well. I crafted nearly everything I did to fit within those preset conditions. I’d think before I acted and only do something if it matched. I was living as a proud introvert – to the fullest of its definitions.
It’s likely that your own sensitive nature has made it difficult for you to hear yourself described as a label. You may even bristle beneath your skin when it happens. At this very moment, you can accept the label or kindly challenge it. This is your opportunity.
So how can you stand in your own personal power when you feel like this? Here are several steps you can take when you are subject to an externally imposed label:
Critique what you take in. Too often, people simply accept what they hear. Practice independent thinking by making your own evaluation of the words used by others and their intended meaning.
Note another’s judgments, yet don’t be limited or hurt by them. Most people aren’t cruel, just unthinking. Judgments are often inferred, not overt or realized by the speaker. You can do them a favor by opening their eyes to it.
Mention the ambiguity in their meaning without being critical, if you feel you can. Yes, this is the difficult step, and validly you may choose to skip it. Ask them to clarify. You can expect wide-eyed amazement at this point. So take extra care to be gentle, coming from your heart, in how you do this. One approach that works is pure curiosity, by perhaps saying, “Gee, I noticed that…”
The purpose here is not to confront or threaten, but instead to inform them. Very likely, they didn’t critique their own thought before speaking it. By using a collaborative style, you hold the potential of garnering their appreciation and deepening the relationship. And subtlely, you are soliciting their respect for you.
Always define yourself. Be original and creative in expressing who you are through your words, manner of speech and dress. You can willingly defy any label or description this way.
Once I started defining myself, the label of introvert slipped away easily. I now have so much more fun – and more impact, too – by being myself in all its quirkiness and contradictions.
Live beyond the limits of society’s molded labels and be the grandest version of yourself that you can be!
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
It’s not easy being an introvert or highly sensitive person (HSP) when things are not going as you’d like them. You feel inner distress so much more acutely than others do. At the same time, you are the peaceful type, one who appreciates harmony and dislikes discord, conflict or confrontation. Still, it is possible to speak up in a respectful manner, regardless of your personality type or natural aversions.
All of this came into my personal life recently. We’re having the interior of our home painted and I dreamed of soothing colors. I even thought I picked them on the color chart. Yet, when the first color went up, it was just to stimulating for me. There’s my dilemma: How do I tell the painter I want it changed? And then, I naturally go off onto other related concerns, too, like the time and effort it took him to do this much.
So I spent more than 24 hours running different scenarios in my head of what I would say and how he might react. Being prepared for an array of outcomes is very helpful to this process. I felt my inner turmoil, wanting to avoid the confrontation and not wanting to have things stay the way they were. I was spinning!
Holding things in or keeping them to yourself is simply not the best way to go. Why? Because that means you are willingly shouldering the burden on your own. It silently says you are prepared to absorb and own all the tension by yourself. This is not a self-loving act for anyone. Additionally, you are showing others what you hold as your self-image.
Likely, you are holding back because you choose to avoid the tension of a confrontation, which may or may not lead to conflict. All the while, your inner tension is mounting. So there is tension regardless of which route you choose to pursue.
Here are three steps to speaking up that manage your tension while reliving your inner angst:
First, feel into what is disturbing you. What is it? Which emotions are kicked up? To what degree? Get clear words in place that express your distress, disappointment or whatever you are disturbed about.
Next, center in your heart. Create an intention you wish to fulfill by your initial actions and throughout the discussion. For example, it might be that you wish to act from kindness toward all involved, including yourself. Or it might be to stand firm in your beliefs, but remain flexible around the outcome. This is the step that most helps you avoid conflict.
Then, speak up. Release any attachment to a particular outcome which you might find most desirable. Instead, set a tone that promotes collaborative resolution where all contribute to the result.
My plans of what to say to the painter were eased with this process and by knowing how to approach the conversation. So what happened? It all worked out easier than I ever imagined. The next work day, he walked in and asked how I liked the color. It was the door opening that relieved my tension. I simply had to say it didn’t work for me and move back to the color chart to select new ones. Then, it occurred to me that I wasn’t the first one to ever tell him this news. It was something he expects on every job. The anguish was all mine over a little thing that was easily solved.
There are so many rewards from taking this approach. You are releasing your tension to allow for an equitable resolution. You also gain self-respect and self-confidence from expressing yourself. Not to mention that you get experience. Each time you use this method, it becomes easier.
And then comes the ultimate benefit: you have your inner peace once again.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Introverts and highly sensitive individuals often feel awkward, confused and at odds with life. They can be unsure of themselves, hesitant to ask or act. It doesn’t have to stay that way for you or for any other person you know. It is possible to feel comfortable, open and at ease in whatever you do or say. You can be confident and assured. That’s transforming the mystery into magic!
Where does the mystery come from? That’s easy. As we grow up with our families, go to school and learn to get along with others, we absorb that being different is not a good thing. Conformity becomes part of an unspoken language we all know. We need others to survive and give us what we need. We learn to compare ourselves to others to give us a sense of safety.
We are often falsely comparing themselves to others who are not like us…and coming up short. Why? It’s simply a number game because others outnumber us by about 3 to 1. We’ve also have copied what others do or say only to not find the same successes. All this leaves the us feeling frustrated, disappointed and often overwhelmed. If the pattern continues, it often can lead to hopelessness and withdrawal.
I’ve felt it, too. Comparison and conformity play with our needs to be liked and accepted. One cannot survive this life alone, so these needs are close to your heart. When they are not met fully, it intensifies the feelings of being flawed, broken or missing something that others seem to have and you don’t. It can feel quite puzzling, like being in a hall of mirrors not knowing what is real and what is not.
Here’s where the magic comes in. The magic happens when you discover and believe that you are complete just as you are – part human, part spirit and totally wonderful. That’s when you start embracing all your innate gifts, talents and strengths – ones that have always been there, but you’ve kept below the surface until now. Life starts to flow. You are calm and centered. You feel your inner strength and it feels wonderful.
The secret of transforming the mystery to the magic lies in the first three steps of my 4-Step Cycle: Integrity, Awareness and Acceptance. These inner steps allow you to rewrite your past programming, freeing you from its bonds. Eventually, you reach the fourth step – Action – and when you do, taking that focused, aligned action will be so graceful and easy that it amazes you.
Learn more about the 4-Step Cycle here
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
So how’s your list coming along? You might remember that in my last post, I asked you to list what rattled you from each of your five senses. For instance, I’ve found that too many things jumping in front of my eyes, continual loud sounds (like crowd noise), scratchy clothes, foul smells along with many foods cause me distress. Your list likely looks similar.
One main key to success with your sensitivity is to manage or adjust what you take in. Don’t get me wrong here: this is NOT mean you create an impermeable barrier or seal yourself off. It does mean you tone down or moderate the amount of sensory stimuli you are exposed to. With that in mind, let’s move on to the 4 steps I promised you.
Which sense(s) is (are) your most sensitive? From your list, you can tell which sense or senses most affect you. They are the ones with the longer lists of what rattles you. You’ll want to work on these first to get the most benefit in a short time. You’ll get to everything else in time.
Locate specifically what irritates you. Let me give you a personal example. When we moved into our current home 5 years ago, it had an ancient dishwasher. With the room arrangement, I could hear it nearly everywhere when it was running. So imagine after dinner, it was running and that you want to watch television or read. The cacophony was nearly deafening.
Discover what you can do about it. Some things we simply have to accept because we cannot change them, like being stuck in traffic behind a big truck or bus belching noxious fumes. That’s why it is best to be aware of your stimuli and soothing your senses all the time. That means when you run into something you cannot do something about, you will be in a better spot to take it.
With everything else, you really have several choices– to eliminate it (which is best) or to adjust it. For me, I decided to purchase a new dishwasher. You bet I was looking at the decibel rating on each model I considered.
Continue to experiment from your discoveries about how to soothe your senses even more. This can be the fun step. Here’s where you really get to fine tune your experiences of your senses. You can indulge them, such as by eating your favorite food, listening to pleasurable music or sniffing a much loved fragrance.
Ahhhhh, can you see that you’ve come full circle – from annoyance to enjoyment? Wonderful, huh?
What the biggest benefit I’ve found from using these methods? It’s not having a horrible experience of being in your body. Chances are that before now you haven’t liked being highly sensitive. Me neither, because I was at odds with my sensitive body. Once I learned how it needed to be treated, the distress released, allowing my sensitivity to blossom into a part of me that I now cherish. You can have it that way, too.
Soothing your senses and calm down your body. Your emotions will naturally follow.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Imagine yourself as a paper cup full of liquid, which represents your inner resources. With each new thing you take on, punch a hole in the side of the cup relative to the size of the commitment or task. How many holes you have and of what size depends on what you are attempting to take on. How does your mental picture look?
