Archive for the 4-Step Cycle category.
When have you had the urge to call a part of your life to the forefront and say “enough already?” To see what I mean, you can go back and read the beginning of the trilogy of The Awakening…
Every period of real growth I’ve experienced has come from internal pain, suffering or uneasiness that I was not willing to bear any longer. My calls for “enough” were truly wrapped in rescuing myself from what ailed me at the time. So I drew the line.
What might that call be for you? Could it be:
- A relationship not going as you’d like?
- A career that leaves you unfulfilled?
- Not feeling enough support from people you know?
- A general dissatisfaction with how your life is going in general?
- Perhaps lots of self-doubt?
- Living into your weaknesses or self-imposed limitations?
I’ve felt all of these things and each has helped me open a grander path through life. To get there, I had to face up to what wasn’t serving me and do something about it.
Another way to see this is in terms of the 4-Step Cycle. The impulse you feel is the realization that you are not in Integrity, the first of the 4 Steps. Misalignment is what causes your pain or discomfort.
You now have a new Awareness, the second step. Further exploration of that awareness surfaces discoveries you can use to grow.
With these first two steps, the groundwork is in place for you to stop saying “enough already” and start living in a new way – a way that puts you in complete Integrity and alignment. However, there is one thing left to do.
That one often overlooked step is making the choice to grow, embracing whatever it takes to make the shift. Oh yes, you could ignore the call and simply stay as you are. That’s always a valid choice and it’s up to you, if you choose to make it.
You can hear the call, but making the choice is relieve the distress is what it is really all about.
How do you choose to answer your call?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
Introverts and highly sensitive individuals often feel awkward, confused and at odds with life. They can be unsure of themselves, hesitant to ask or act. It doesn’t have to stay that way for you or for any other person you know. It is possible to feel comfortable, open and at ease in whatever you do or say. You can be confident and assured. That’s transforming the mystery into magic!
Where does the mystery come from? That’s easy. As we grow up with our families, go to school and learn to get along with others, we absorb that being different is not a good thing. Conformity becomes part of an unspoken language we all know. We need others to survive and give us what we need. We learn to compare ourselves to others to give us a sense of safety.
We are often falsely comparing themselves to others who are not like us…and coming up short. Why? It’s simply a number game because others outnumber us by about 3 to 1. We’ve also have copied what others do or say only to not find the same successes. All this leaves the us feeling frustrated, disappointed and often overwhelmed. If the pattern continues, it often can lead to hopelessness and withdrawal.
I’ve felt it, too. Comparison and conformity play with our needs to be liked and accepted. One cannot survive this life alone, so these needs are close to your heart. When they are not met fully, it intensifies the feelings of being flawed, broken or missing something that others seem to have and you don’t. It can feel quite puzzling, like being in a hall of mirrors not knowing what is real and what is not.
Here’s where the magic comes in. The magic happens when you discover and believe that you are complete just as you are – part human, part spirit and totally wonderful. That’s when you start embracing all your innate gifts, talents and strengths – ones that have always been there, but you’ve kept below the surface until now. Life starts to flow. You are calm and centered. You feel your inner strength and it feels wonderful.
The secret of transforming the mystery to the magic lies in the first three steps of my 4-Step Cycle: Integrity, Awareness and Acceptance. These inner steps allow you to rewrite your past programming, freeing you from its bonds. Eventually, you reach the fourth step – Action – and when you do, taking that focused, aligned action will be so graceful and easy that it amazes you.
Learn more about the 4-Step Cycle here
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
In the last 24 hours, I’ve ridden the range of emotions. Funny how they all seem to come at once.
I spent most of yesterday hiking with my Thursday hiking group. We did a new trail, which is always amazing. It was adventuresome, wondrous, breathtaking and inspiring. The day was full of great scenery and the good company of being with friends. Albeit a long day and returning tired, it was another great day on the trails.
All was going well until I got the day’s mail. Opening one piece got me angry – really angry. It doesn’t matter what it was now, just know my response was intense. My blood boiled as the flames of anger were fanned with every word I read. It was a situation I didn’t want to find myself in. I was mad at a nameless, faceless thing. 
I stomped around and felt that they could not do this to me. I tried to occupy myself with other things, like fixing some dinner. When I ate it, my stomach felt sour. The anger had full hold of every part of me.
I was still in its possession after some television and lying down to try to settle down for sleep. I felt as though I couldn’t keep it any longer, that I had to divest myself of it. Using some energy exercises, I settled myself enough to get a fairly good night’s sleep.
Society tends to judge emotions. We all would rather be around the pleasant ones: love, joy, amusement, caring, kindness and the like. Who wants to be with someone who is angry? Or frustrated? Or confused? I haven’t found many people who choose to do that.
This being so, we quickly learn to hide those undesirable emotions, stuffing them away so others don’t see them. The fact is that doing this only imprints them inside of you, causing “dis-ease.” When you are able to meet emotions in the moment and let them arise, they eventually release their hold, flowing through your body without a trace remaining.
Yesterday’s anger signaled a breach of my integrity. For that, I am grateful. I realized quickly what must be done to solve the situation and restore my integrity. Today, I took action, freeing myself fully from its bondage.
The heights and depths of emotion that I welcomed yesterday have left me tired today, but feeling at one with who I am: a responsible and vulnerable being navigating this Earth as best I can. Not bad. Not bad, at all.
Inner Adventurers relish in all the emotions they experience. There can be no denying or resisting any of them. From the pleasant to the mundane to the irritation, it is all part of being the fullest version of oneself that one can be. Inner Adventurers savor the elegant taste of each feeling, sampling its juicy deliciousness in each bite. Won’t you join me at the feast?
How do you welcome the full energy of your emotions?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Posted on September 11th, 2009 by Sarah Dolliver in
4-Step Cycle It’s a sad day today. We each know the loss we felt eight short years ago when terrorism hit New York City and the World Trade Towers. It changed life for every American and much of the world.
Also today, I heard from a friend that she unexpectedly lost her daughter-in-law at the young age of 47. She said it has been the hardest day of her life. She not only grieves the loss, but feels the pain of her only son, too. She told me he trembled as she hugged him.
Perhaps the saddest part of her loss was there was nothing the doctors could do for her daughter-in-law. What happened was beyond repair. There was no hope for her. Just like there seemed to be no hope after September 11, 2001.
Life without hope is perhaps the hardest existence. One can feel so helpless at what stands in front of them. No actions to take that might influence the outcome. No way to make things any different or better. A heart can feel closed and broken.
What is left? Acceptance. As time passes, one adjusts to what is. The sting of loss eases as one learns to take forward-moving steps again, however small they seem. Acceptance is difficult, but necessary for hope to live on.
The awakening of hope comes from an open heart. That heart is equally ready to feel pain as it is to feel joy. It is willing to be broken and to love again. It knows the depths of each extreme and willingly steps up for more, believing that life is not about what happens to us but instead about how we feel whatever goes on.
Inner Adventurers often have those open hearts who willingly empathize and feel what others are feeling, even when it is at the broken heart end of the spectrum. In doing so, they generously assist others to accept what is and allow for the arousing of hope.
What hope does your heart hold today?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Posted on September 1st, 2009 by Sarah Dolliver in
4-Step Cycle This coming weekend, I’ll make my third trip into the Lava River Cave, north of Flagstaff, AZ It’s a 700,000-year old underground tunnel made from a volcanic lava flow where you are cloaked in absolute darkness and cold as you traverse its rough surfaces to witness a natural marvel. It’s pure exploring!
[You can click on the name above to link to some information about it. Or use your favorite search engine to find out more about it or see more pictures.]
I had always been an overly cautious person before I started Inner Adventuring. I wouldn’t take any risk, no matter how small or trivial. It made me very uncomfortable. Risk just wasn’t part of my vocabulary.
When I peeled back the “risk” layer, I discovered something I hadn’t expected. It’ wasn’t that I was risk-averse. The real reason I didn’t take any risk was that I didn’t trust my inner resources. Ah, that rang with true resonance as it amazed and stunned me.
Full of doubt, low esteem, little respect or confidence, it was no wonder that any risk seemed too huge. So the beginnings of an Inner Adventure were born. Finding my inner resources was fun. When one popped up and got explored, another one easily followed. Here is some of what I discovered within:
Life with these partners is so much more enjoyable and fun. I still respect risk and will travel the Lava River Cave carefully. But I’m not sitting home missing the opportunity to take on an outer adventure. I know from Inner Adventuring that I can handle more than I ever imagined. Now, instead of asking “Why?” I ask “Why not?”
When the Inner Adventurer knows how expansive their inner resources are, they feel capable of handling whatever life delivers to them – physical injury, emotional upheaval or spiritual crisis. They know that from within comes whatever they need to handle each moment and circumstance.
Have you explored your inner resources? Then have yourself a marvelous outer adventure this weekend, too!
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Posted on August 17th, 2009 by Sarah Dolliver in
4-Step Cycle Have you noticed resistance to accepting what is? It’s not you alone; it comes from everyone and exists everywhere.
Part of our humanness is the strong desire to be in control. Somehow, that sense of control gives a reassuring feeling of power or security. Knowing those feelings, it becomes increasingly difficult to just let things be as they are, without any interference, even if things could be better that way.
Here are two current examples:
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The great debate in the US these days is about health care reform. Much of what is being discussed is not real reform, in my opinion. It is simply massaging around what is already there, kind of like the coin under the shells game played at carnivals that intends to confuse you.
What if we just left things as they are and really put the focus on prevention of illness? Or made each of us personally responsible for our own health and wellbeing? That would be true reform!
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Did you hear about the upcoming swine flu vaccinations? There is talk about it being mandatory or else one would be subject to quarantine? In other words, if you didn’t take the vaccination, you could jeopardize your ability to earn a living!
Why not accept that people get sick and sometimes die? We could just let the flu virus be and allow time for the natural antibodies to develop within us. Or work to boost our own immune systems.
Each of these situations gives you a flavor of the leading line of thought: that man can intervene and do better than what simply is. Do I need to remind anyone of all the times humans have intervened and actually made things worse? Just one example is the swine flu vaccine of the 1970’s which gave people Guillain-Barre syndrome.
Inner Adventurers appreciate that it is often foolhardy to resist what is. It’s not that we collapse in the face of opposition or crumble at the witness of force. It’s simply that we see the gifts to be opened within each event or experience. By resisting any of it, those gifts are kept from us, too.
Our manner of being is a quietude that allows things to be as they are. We scan for what is present, accepting all there is without questioning or without feeling the urge to make changes. If something needs adjustment in the longer run, we act to enable that to be.
This willingness to withstand some of the structural tension of life makes us unique. Revel in your uniqueness today.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Everyone faces fear. Life is not about whether you avoid fear or not. Instead, life is about what you do when you face it.
Any of us can wonder “What do I do now?” when we are in a place that we’ve not experienced before. That’s when fear comes into the picture.
Fear is a product of your subconscious mind, where the memory of every experience you’ve ever had is stored. This part of your brain is like a giant file cabinet with the speed of the Internet.
You have an experience in the present moment. It is evaluated by your conscious and subconscious minds. Zoom! The subconscious mind comes back with another experience from your past which is feels in similar. Quite amazing, huh?
So, fear is only a signal that very often relates to a past experience. Perhaps you’ve heard this often-cited definition for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. That’s what the subconscious mind brings you at times.
The system is far from faulty. Does that similar experience really relate to the one you have now? Perhaps. Without awareness, one can take whatever it comes up with as the truth and choose an erroneous action.
Inner Adventurers realize these faults and proceed watchfully. Often times, our delay to act can be seen by others as being overly cautious or too prudent. So what if we don’t pounce? Yes, it might cost us in the short run, but it definitely safeguards our integrity.
So what does the Inner Adventurer do? Here’s what I have seen work well:
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Take fear as an advisory message. Be grateful you have the signal, but hold off from believing it as truth just yet.
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Relate its advisory to the present circumstance. What is similar? What is different? Chances are the biggest difference is YOU and your capabilities to handle life.
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Scan the situation for what else could be true. Become aware of what is present now that wasn’t in the previous situation. What difference do those things make?
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Choose for yourself in this moment. At times, that can mean intentionally going against the fear signal you received. Other times, you have validated its warning.
Another way to deal with fear in order to find truth is working your way through the InnerVantage 4-Step Cycle. Each step helps you peel away false evidence and beliefs that may not relate to what you are living now. Its final step is focused, aligned action. Each previous step gently leads you to integrity and action without fear because you have found what is true for you.
So where can you find truth? It is within you.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Posted on August 7th, 2009 by Sarah Dolliver in
4-Step Cycle Today’s post is in a bit of a different vein. You’ll get my drift as you read on.
August is intended to me a slower month for me – relaxing in those lazy, hazy days of summer. Well, the first week hasn’t worked out that way. I’ve got some exciting projects I’m working on for the fall and I’ve loved working on them. It gets thrilling to see ideas come into being. We Inner Adventurers surely love our ideas!
And yesterday was my regular hiking day. It was a great jaunt for everyone there, except it was longer than we had planned. So today, my body is aching around the torso and hips from overdoing it. For those of us who are highly sensitive, it is simply uncomfortable to have discomfort. It robs us of so much more than other types, like our focus.
I thought you’d like to see the 4-Step Cycle in work around this smaller, immediate issue:
Step 1 – Integrity: To be honest with myself, I’m not up to par today and I can’t ignore it. 
Step 2 – Awareness: I know where this came from and I was happy to do the hike, so I’ll have to live with my consequence. But if I ignore this and put in a full day, it will continue to bother me. I don’t want that to happen.
Step 3 – Acceptance: What do I have to accept? For one thing, I’m not getting younger and I have to accept my aging body. I appreciate all it does for me, how it takes me to grand places for fabulous experiences. Another thing to accept is that in this moment, I must rest more instead of work, doing what is best for me physically.
Step 4 – Focused, Aligned Action: Today, I’m trying to keep moving so I don’t stiffen up or aggravate my already sore parts. My awareness is invested in each movement, consciously balancing the effort of right and left sides. I’m using heat to ease the muscles while sending gratitude and kindness to my entire body for all it does for me. And my husband, Jim, has been a big support by taking over more than he usually does.
Isn’t it amazing how you can adopt this Cycle to nearly anything? You can run down the 4-Steps and create what is best for the present moment. As you practice on the smaller items, it gets easier and easier to use it on your more involved ones.
Enjoy the 4-Step Cycle for yourself!
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Posted on August 3rd, 2009 by Sarah Dolliver in
4-Step Cycle How strange, but true! Many of us are simply afraid to accept all of who we are.
I have talked with some folks who are too fearful to even look inside themselves. What they’ve described to me is that they think they will see something more terrible than what one can see in a horror film. They believe there is nothing but nasty and evil parts within them.
Now, none of us is perfect. We each have our faults and shortcomings. But we become even more focused on them as we learn to make it in this world. Look at where it a lot of it comes from: our education system and our business culture.
Education homogenizes each unique child. We’re molded to fit some pre-established norm instead of allowing each child to fill his own form with the gifts and talents he or she possesses. At work, performance reviews point to our weaknesses rather than augmenting our strengths and potential. We are fitted to the job description without allowing all that we are to shine.
So we are subtlely taught to resist all that we are and to underplay our natural capacities. Living life this way, our greatness stagnates.
Flip the coin over. What if you dropped the resistance and denial to embrace every part of you? What could that bring you?
I chuckle as I write this because this is where I get more resistance from my clients. Their resistance has become such a pattern that they don’t know who they would be without it or how to act. And, they continue, it would be fruitless to accept what you don’t want, wouldn’t it?
Well, that’s partially true. Yes, you do have to be willing to establish new patterns for yourself by experimenting. Letting go of habits is not easy for some, but it still is possible. That’s where my support for my clients can be a critical factor in their success.
No, it’s not futile to accept something you don’t want. You see, it is in the acceptance that you get the strength to influence what you don’t want. Said another way, what you resist persists because you are not acknowledging it. Only when you accept do you get the magical powers that allow you to work on it.
Inner Adventurers seem to have more courage than most people I’ve known. They are willing to look at all they are, even the unattractive parts, because they know it gives them more freedom. They are also eager to excavate whatever is holding them back from being the spirit they choose to be.
What one part of you can you start to accept today?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Inner Adventurers are people of unquestionable integrity. It shows in all they do and say.
How come it is this way? I believe it comes from knowing its opposite: the uneasiness of being untrue to yourself and the dreadful feelings that linger afterward.
For instance, have you ever done something that you knew from the outset wasn’t in harmony with who you are at your core? Or said “Yes” to something when you really wanted to say “No?” Or have you said “No” and felt you had to follow it with a long explanation about why you said “No?”
For some, these are nearly everyday occurrences. If that is so for you, as it was for me, it can take some concerted practice to shore up your integrity.
If you look up “integrity” in any dictionary, you see the obvious definitions, including living to high standards and principles. Integrity is more than being honest or living morally. Those are things we all learn while growing up. They govern the standards of societal interaction more than one’s own personal code. Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad they exist, though I believe the art of integrity goes beyond that.
Dig deeper into the dictionary definition and you see a broader scope of meaning – one that includes being undivided, undamaged, unimpaired and undiminished, even from your own actions. From this, one can see that such a life is lived intact with oneself and in complete harmony with one’s soul. It begs us to create a quality of character that emboldens us to live our personal honor in all we do.
I’ve learned a lot about my integrity since embracing it more than seven years ago. I had certainly compromised myself in many ways. It had become a comfortable habit that I felt allowed me to be liked and accepted by others. Ack! My own lack of integrity was slowly destroying my life and defeating my spirit. I felt as if I was living with no backbone.
My initial recognition about this came as a shock. In an instant, my awareness shifted to see all the times I gave in to fill some need. I saw how I was hurting myself more than what I felt I was getting in return. Still, the flash of awareness didn’t make my turnaround any easier.
With consistent practice, much patience and compassion for myself, I righted the ship of my life to be in alignment and harmony with my core essence. All the while, my ego was barking at me that I wouldn’t like where I was trying to go and that I’d be all alone without any friends because people wouldn’t like me otherwise. In its face, I experimented. Experiments succeeded. The barking ceased.
Integrity is a main ingredient of my life today. For that, I’m grateful. It leads me to better relationships and to earn respect from others. I’ve learned that “No” is a complete sentence by itself. I fill the needs of my sensitive physical body. I exclude whatever may harm my perceptive emotional being. I am fulfilled and at peace with myself.
How do you practice the art of your integrity?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
What might that call be for you? Could it be:
