Archive for July, 2009.
Inner Adventurers are people of unquestionable integrity. It shows in all they do and say.
How come it is this way? I believe it comes from knowing its opposite: the uneasiness of being untrue to yourself and the dreadful feelings that linger afterward.
For instance, have you ever done something that you knew from the outset wasn’t in harmony with who you are at your core? Or said “Yes” to something when you really wanted to say “No?” Or have you said “No” and felt you had to follow it with a long explanation about why you said “No?”
For some, these are nearly everyday occurrences. If that is so for you, as it was for me, it can take some concerted practice to shore up your integrity.
If you look up “integrity” in any dictionary, you see the obvious definitions, including living to high standards and principles. Integrity is more than being honest or living morally. Those are things we all learn while growing up. They govern the standards of societal interaction more than one’s own personal code. Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad they exist, though I believe the art of integrity goes beyond that.
Dig deeper into the dictionary definition and you see a broader scope of meaning – one that includes being undivided, undamaged, unimpaired and undiminished, even from your own actions. From this, one can see that such a life is lived intact with oneself and in complete harmony with one’s soul. It begs us to create a quality of character that emboldens us to live our personal honor in all we do.
I’ve learned a lot about my integrity since embracing it more than seven years ago. I had certainly compromised myself in many ways. It had become a comfortable habit that I felt allowed me to be liked and accepted by others. Ack! My own lack of integrity was slowly destroying my life and defeating my spirit. I felt as if I was living with no backbone.
My initial recognition about this came as a shock. In an instant, my awareness shifted to see all the times I gave in to fill some need. I saw how I was hurting myself more than what I felt I was getting in return. Still, the flash of awareness didn’t make my turnaround any easier.
With consistent practice, much patience and compassion for myself, I righted the ship of my life to be in alignment and harmony with my core essence. All the while, my ego was barking at me that I wouldn’t like where I was trying to go and that I’d be all alone without any friends because people wouldn’t like me otherwise. In its face, I experimented. Experiments succeeded. The barking ceased.
Integrity is a main ingredient of my life today. For that, I’m grateful. It leads me to better relationships and to earn respect from others. I’ve learned that “No” is a complete sentence by itself. I fill the needs of my sensitive physical body. I exclude whatever may harm my perceptive emotional being. I am fulfilled and at peace with myself.
How do you practice the art of your integrity?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
I was fortunate recently to attend a Native American Cultural Festival event. I went with a couple of outgoing friends who belong to the group that planned the Festival.
The promise of the day was strong. The weather was simply gorgeous for the outdoor event and the size of the crowd attending was beyond belief. I was happy to be with friends enjoying the event together.
As we wandered the exhibits, my friends found other people they knew. They greeted them and chatted about what was happening that day and other events coming up in the Festival. I also noted that they easily became involved in conversations with the exhibitors about their work, how they created it and how beautiful it was.
All the while, my inner-directed nature was apparent. I held back, smiled at people and simply noted the intense colors, the artisanship in fine detail and enjoyed the Native American drumming and dancers.
What intrigued me was the contrast of our styles. They engaged while I absorbed. They focused on what was going on outside of them and I was involved with what was going on within me. For a short while, I felt the hint of former feelings trying to come back to haunt me. I felt left behind by my friends or suddenly insignificant.
Here’s the victory: I recognized these feelings as “old stuff.” With that recognition, those feelings never really got a hold of me. It’s not that I pushed them away or denied them. I just noted they were there, trying to get my attention. I stayed in the present moment enjoyment of the event. The old feelings quickly dissolved on their own.
All feelings come that way. You can choose to dive deeper into them or move into the moment, where feelings transform as quickly as they come. To dive deeper, you can activate your story or the interpretation of prior experiences.
For me, that activation of my story would have sounded like this: “Oh, poor me. My friends have forgotten I’m even here with them. I’m not as important to them as those other people. I might as well just go home on my own.” What would yours have said to you?
That line of thought and feeling never took hold. For that, I thank my awareness. I’ve always had a keener awareness than other people I know. Only in the last decade have I been able to use it to get rid of the thoughts and feelings that held me back.
Inner Adventurers hone their awareness. It becomes very sharp. And then, they use that awareness to transform their own lives to be the way they choose it to be. Their strength of awareness alerts them to disturbances and by staying present to them, the turbulence shifts in remarkable ways. The result? Freedom and inner peace!
How do you use your awareness to transform?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
How often do you attempt to change what is to make it into something it is not by its own nature?
If you are human, likely your answer is that you do that very often. It’s part of human nature to want to feel in control of our own lives.
Alas, we are not in charge. At least not completely. Life has its influences that are beyond our control and often misunderstood.
This is what I am experiencing these last two days. I haven’t been feeling up to par. Mentally, I feel like I’m in a fog. I’m carrying a low grade headache, too. One side of me is saying “Suck it up and get to work.” I know that as the voice from my humanness, wanting to push onward in the name of duty and for the sake of goals or results. I’ve learned that my results aren’t as good when I heed that urge as when I simply wait to feel better.
Another side of me just wants to be. My desire is simply to look out the window to watch the birds feed and chipmunks scamper hither and yon doing whatever they do. That is my Inner Adventurer calling me to slow down even more to ruminate.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. Instead, I stay curious about what could be up for me:
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Is it physical? I can rule out illness. Perhaps I’m simply tired or affecting by the heat of the summer. Self-care becomes more important when I feel differently than I usually do.
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Is it mental? Do I have enough, but not too much, stimulation?
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Is it emotional? Well, I have been doing a lot of processing, as you know if you’ve been reading my posts recently. Chances are I still am working on it. And it is an energy drain that can put anyone of us off kilter.
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Is it spiritual? Have I reached or am I reaching for a new and higher plateau of existence? That could be another possibility.
There is still only one response: to embrace what is and be with it. Instead of struggling against what is, I’m meeting my responsibilities with a motto I learned some time ago from Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: Always Do Your Best.
Some read that directive as a call for relentless excellence at all times. If you recall the book, you know it is not. It is a request to give all you have in that moment, which allows for differing responses depending on what you have to give right now. I can rest assured that I’m doing my best today.
What is important for Inner Adventurers to understand is that we dislike struggle and competition, even when it is with ourselves. Sometimes, we can become too averse to any contest, so we can simply withdraw. It can appear to some folks as if we consistently run away.
You can learn to stand in the face of struggle or competition first with yourself by embracing what is for you right now in this moment. Then you can practice outwardly with others.
Trust what is without having to change or adjust it. It is meant to be. Ask questions simply to know it better. Answers emerge on their own.
I’m embracing and trusting what is today.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Undoubtedly, the hardest part of processing is handling the emotions.
When you are triggered by a life event, that trigger is connected to strong emotions, such as anger, hatred, guilt, blame or resentment. Notice those are all emotions that bring you down from the vibrational highs you feel from, for instance, love, satisfaction, happiness or gratitude.
So it is quite natural to find processing a life event more difficult simply because of the emotions. In many cases, that is all you are processing.
It doesn’t have to be difficult to process emotional intensity. Earlier this week, I spoke with someone who had only 10 day before our talk suffered a major betrayal. A friend of more than 30 years had sat in judgment over recent projects and life happenings. Nothing was right about their life, according to this friend. They told me they felt like a 5-year old who had been chastised.
Amazingly, the type of person I expected to observe from this type of wound wasn’t the person I witnessed in our talk. They were lucid and without deep anger. How could someone process such a deep betrayal in a relatively short period?
I’m happy to say that I helped them without even knowing it. This person is one of my AdVantage Members, who have access to an exclusive Resource Library, built especially for the sensitive, quiet folks in this world. They had used a resource I created called Freely Feeling, which gives a variety of methods and practices to use in processing emotions of any intensity.
After having worked several of those methods, they felt the strong grip of anger and betrayal release in intensity. They admitted it was still there, but not dominating their life any longer. Alas, real healing does take time, but it doesn’t have to be forever.
And, did you note the parallel to my last post? We both had recently dealt with betrayal.
When processing, it takes courage to face the force of your own feelings, especially when they are the more difficult ones that we try to hide from view. Yet, when you dare to dive in deeply and ride each wave of intensity, the ride doesn’t have to be debilitating. In fact, such practice can be the genesis of wondrous self-confidence.
Wouldn’t you like access to these valuable resources, too? Check it out here…
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
While there are many traits and characteristics Inner Adventurers have in common, I believe that we are all unique individuals, shaped by our life experiences and the interpretation we apply to those experiences. So when it comes to the hardest thing for you to process, it is based in your own personal formula from your life.
Do you have an idea of what it might be for you? For me, it is betrayal of trust. And I’ve had an incident today that put it square in my face.
These days, I live my life trusting others without question until they show me they cannot be trusted. Long ago, I used to be the opposite way. My pendulum for trust has swung to both ends of the continuum. Now, I believe my lesson is to find out how to moderate these polarities and live closer to static equilibrium.
When my trust pendulum was swinging from not trusting to trusting, I realized that if I didn’t trust others, then I couldn’t trust myself either. Distrusting others was more a statement about me than it was about anyone else.
In my early experiments with trusting others, I was richly rewarded. I made it through the awkward moments when my insides were saying “Don’t trust them. Don’t do it. You’ll be disappointed.” With each new try, that voice silenced itself because I was open to seeing life a different way.
And life’s been pretty good to me in trusting others. I’ve learned to grant to benefit of the doubt and wait for proof to the contrary. Many people step up to be the person I see them to be. Sadly, others don’t. And it can take some time to find out whether trusting them is warranted.
I believe that trusting others is about seeing people at their shining best. That’s the way I choose to live my life, even if it causes pain for me at some points.
Back to processing the betrayal…
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Goodness knows, we Inner Adventurers surely do have to process what goes on in our lives. To some it seems unnecessary, for they can let life’s happenings roll off their backs like water on a duck.
For us, it is an essential part of who we are. Life can tie us up like knots inside and we need to find our own way to untangle ourselves so we can live fully: in awareness and with meaning. 
I’ve noted recently that there are main ways of processing for us. Some of us withdraw, creating silence and stillness in order to hear the call of their heart and soul around the issue of significance. Life comes to a halt while they ponder, weigh alternatives and seek their own decision on what to do next.
Others of us, like me, process while we are in motion. I know that by living as I can while I am processing, what happens will change my perspective on the issue. It doesn’t mean I go at full speed, but I do things that help me keep as active as I want to be while I’m working the grist through the mill on the inside. I still ponder and weigh alternatives. It’s just done while I’m doing what life asks of me in this moment.
Neither way of processing is better than the other one. It’s just a personal preference. And it pays to know your preference. So why not experiment with each one and see which one fits best for you? Maybe it will depend on the situation. Or on how much time you have. Or by what other responsibilities are on your plate at the time you need to process. What’s important is the processing still gets done for you.
I want you to look at two aspects of your choice, though. The first is how you hold and handle your personal power. Stopping everything to make up your mind can come off as giving your power away to the person or situation you are involved with. Others can read it as if you’ve surrendered and use it in the future to manipulate you or the situation.
If that is your one and only response, they can toss you problem after problem and know that you’ll go silent until you solve them. In the meantime, they are busy doing what they do without you. Consider each situation. Choose how you process based on more than just your own preference. In some situations, especially business, this may be the trump card that saves you much more than you give up by changing how you choose to do things for yourself.
The other aspect to consider is how your processing preference affects others. This one plays out often, like in business or personal relationships. Your natural preference may leave others completely frustrated, tapping their toe and unable to move forward without your input.
Either the needs of the situation or those of the other person may pull you out of your natural comfort zone. That’s why I encourage you to play with both types of processing so that you can use them freely as needed.
Honor your processing and it pays you back greatly.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Having just completed the Independence Day celebrations here in the US, I got to pondering some of our inalienable rights, granted in the US Constitution…from the Inner Adventurer perspective, of course.
I’ve noted that many who are on their way to becoming Inner Adventurers can feel as if they are inferior to other people. When you embrace your right of life, that changes. You were born equal to everyone else. It is only in your mind that you come up second. Once you identify the thought patterns that continue putting yourself as lesser than others, you can shift your thinking to that of being equals.
Another pattern on the way to becoming an Inner Adventurer is to not feel so free. Part of it can come from “people pleasing” in order to be needed, accepted, respected or loved. If you are familiar with that pattern, you see how it backfires. All the while, the people engaging in it diminishes themselves and separate from their own liberty. 
Liberty is also obstructed when you choose to participate in life on others’ terms. One prominent example is succumbing to the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life as others live it instead of setting your own pace.
The world beckons for everyone to do more and do it faster. It also asks us to be constantly connected. Neither of these conditions helps the Inner Adventurer find themselves. Once one can begin to hear their own inner callings – what pleases you and what pace works best for you – the barriers to becoming an Inner Adventurer start to fall away.
When that happens, the budding Inner Adventurer realizes that they have been standing in their own way. They held the keys to happiness all along and didn’t see it. Then the pursuit of happiness is fully engaged. Not in a reckless or self-serving manner, but in our usual compassionate and empathetic way we choose to live.
Live your inalienable rights!
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
What is the reason the Inner Adventurer gets out of bed each morning? To take in something new about themselves or about life.
The reward for the Inner Adventurer is to explore and discover, followed by investigation to gain understanding. Now, I know all that sounds like work, but it can actually be entertaining at times, though not always. That is especially true for the Inner Adventurer, because they enjoy playing with those discoveries in their inner realm.
I, too, enjoy this pattern. I’m consistently looking at people, events and situations to gain something new from them. Such findings often lead to breakthroughs, as it did for me recently.
My breakthrough was about someone I’d known for the greater part of 2 years now. Something about the person was making me uncomfortable and I hadn’t been able to put my finger on what it was. When it got to the point that I felt dispatched into the background again and again, I decided to explore and discover.
With the help of 2 very close friends, also Inner Adventurers, I revealed what was going on and my frustration with it. Each knew they could be honest with me, so they openly shared what they saw. Goodness, my eyes were opened. What they shared was realistic, not exaggerated or self-serving in the manner that would benefit themselves and not me. Both are true friends in every sense of the word, and for that I am eternally grateful.
After careful consideration and testing what they pointed out to me against the person’s current behavior, I knew I’d gotten great value from my dear friends. I now understood and verified what I hadn’t been able to acknowledge before. That opened the second part: the investigation of what to do about it.
Finally seeing how deeply the other person was into their own game, I felt it was fruitless to attempt to bring it to them. Besides, I’d tried that before on something really small in my eyes, only to be met with their anger and justification for seeing and living life the way they were doing it. My options were obviously narrowed by my past experience with them.
Since I couldn’t stay in integrity and in the relationship, I had to cut the cord. Sadly, sometimes this is the only way to protect your sensitive self and stay true to your own beliefs.
This process of taking in new truths takes the ability to confront oneself and be honest. It would have been very easy to deny what my friends had pointed out to me in hopes of keeping the relationship. That’s where ultimate honesty with yourself comes into play. Inner Adventuring is often about not hiding from what you don’t want to see, whether it is about you or someone else. Any resistance to this confrontation is denial.
After the self-confrontation, congruence is the next concern. Inner Adventurers don’t do well realizing their inner truth is in conflict with their outer reality. That tension can be excruciatingly difficult. So, the pressure is to resolve that tension and foster congruence in both these dimensions.
Then comes action to assure congruence. The main ingredient for this is often courage, which comes from that tension and desire to create the most wanted congruence. Still, resolving the tension is not always easy or pleasant, although it doesn’t have to be.
How do I feel today? Free and resolute. At the time of year when Americans salute their freedoms, it all seems quite fitting.
Happy Independence Day to our US readers!
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
