Archive for October, 2009.
Inner Adventurers know that having a dream pulls them forward. It doesn’t matter much what the dream is about. It’s more important that it exists. They realize that it opens them up to creating it by working in partnership with the Universe. Let me show you how.
Back about 10 years ago, I felt trapped. I didn’t like the climate I was living in or what I was doing. The future looked a bit grim. The only thing I wanted was to move to the Southwest of the United States. I didn’t know how that could happen because my consulting business was geographically based and family commitments were intense.
Still, I had the dream. I’d think of it daily, imaging the warmth of the sun on my skin. I’d see the red rocks I love so much; their majesty inspires me. I’d picture the type of house we’d have. What was happening was that I would virtually visit my destination each day.
And it didn’t stop there. I’d bring home trinkets from my vacations and holidays there. I found myself arranging souvenir magnets on the front of my refrigerator into a map of the area. I put stone coasters from there in the living room. What I was doing was leaving messages for the subconscious mind everywhere I could.
It worked magically. My career effortlessly transitioned to something that was portable and didn’t rely on being in a specific location. Family responsibilities transformed in their own way and time. I was freer and the energy sped things up even more.
In early 2004, my husband and I were thinking we’d move in 2 to 4 years. Our financial plan was coming together and that look possible. So we took a trip west to see if our housing budget would get us what we wanted. On the way home after a successful and tiring trip, we thought, “Why wait? Maybe we could do this sooner.”
It was a thought that changed our lives. In 4 short months, we bought our Southwest home and by the end of 6 months, we were living there. Whew!
Then my dream shifted again. I wanted to see this part of the country as not many get the chance to. So I started hiking with a local group. That brought me a whole new group of acquaintances, many of which have become thoughtful friends. That group led me to hiking in one of my favorite destinations: the Grand Canyon. And then to learning more about the Grand Canyon at a local lecture series.
One dream. One vision. One focus. It has brought me so much that fulfills and satisfies me.
Inner Adventurers embrace a dream of any size. One way to get started is to write down everything you want to do, be, have or experience before your life is over. Go ahead and get started. Keep it handy so new dreams can live there with all the others. Make it as long as you wish. Don’t worry; there’s time for everything!
What dream are you manifesting?
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that furthers your growth and personal success, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Each of us is on our own unique journey through this life. We are distinct and complex, and that makes each of us interesting. And various people can look at the same situation and view it absolutely differently.
Disparate views come from your own interpretations, which connect to your perspectives on life. How do you get those perspectives? Mostly through your upbringing, socialization and conditioning in childhood. I believe that there is still another way they come to you: through the reason your soul is living this life or what you are here to heal.
You could call this your “mother wound.” Your soul has come to give you the opportunity to take care of it once and for all. The common “mother wounds” I in others I coach are being unlovable, being the victim and not believing in your own strength. Any “mother wound” causes you to see what happens to you primarily through its particular lens. In other words, what you believe is true. [See the quoted lyrics at the end of this post.] 
My “mother wound” was that I was unlovable. Everything that happened to me was seen through that concept. If I wasn’t invited where others were going, I was unlovable. If I didn’t get my most desired gift for my birthday or Christmas, I was unlovable. If someone didn’t speak to me, I was unlovable. I think you can see how any situation leads you to the conclusion that feeds your “mother wound.”
Here’s where the reinterpretation comes in. I realized that I was going to feel unlovable for the rest of my life if I never learned to love myself. Someone else couldn’t give me what I wasn’t giving to myself. So to reinterpret my consistent conclusion, I set out to find ways to love myself.
I started taking better care of myself. I got enough rest and ate a better diet. I stopped beating myself up inside with silent criticism. Eventually, I was able to compliment myself and pat myself on my back for the good things I did. Today, I know that loving myself is first and foremost to my happiness. It comes naturally and the conclusion of my “mother wound” doesn’t emerge. The reinterpretation transformed my “mother wound.”
Inner Adventurers eagerly reinterpret whatever causes them pain or suffering. They dive in and dissect how they originally saw things, searching for other ways to perceive it. Through these interior expeditions, they discern their theme, their “mother wound.” And with a fresh way of witnessing it, they heal their torment, freeing themselves to love once more.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that furthers your growth and personal success, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
No matter what they tell us; No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us; What we believe is true
No matter what they call us; However they attack
No matter where they take us; We’ll find our own way back
I can’t deny what I believe; I can’t be what I’m not
I know I’ll love forever; I know no matter what
If only tears were laughter; If only night was day
If only prayers were answered; Then we would hear God say
No matter what they tell you; No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you; What you believe is true
And I will keep you safe and strong; And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it’s barren; A dream is being born
Excerpt from No Matter What by Meatloaf
Often, I’m inspired to new thoughts by song lyrics. The following verse caught my attention just yesterday:
“Well, I know it wasn’t you who held me down
Heaven knows, it wasn’t you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key”
from Already Gone by the Eagles
Have you noticed how many people are waiting for someone else to do something or waiting for something to happen in order to do or be what they feel they are not right now? That’s a contingency.
Contingencies are external conditions that you feel must be met in order for something else to happen. You can spot your contingencies by “when…” or “if…” used in your thinking or in your words.
The greatest loss from contingencies is your own personal happiness in this moment. The contingency will postpone whatever wants to be felt. The feeling will keep waiting to come, yet never make it. All the while, you are holding yourself hostage. You know, the chains without knowing you have the key. 
The contingency illustrated in these lyrics is one of a relationship breakup. He got a letter from his girl saying she was breaking up with him. He realizes that his view of the future has been narrowed simply by his habit of thinking of them as a couple.
So the breakup letter didn’t make him sad or angry, but instead set him free. He realized he was “already gone” from the relationship anyway. The contingency? He was not awake to being checked out of the relationship so it took her action realize what was happening.
So why do we wait on contingencies? Because it is easier in general to let life dictate our conditions than to create them ourselves. Only when people find their conditions so distasteful do they really get fired up to take action.
Inner Adventurers are typically low in assertiveness by nature. They find it hard to initiate action on their own. One thing they find is very easy to do, though, is to get curious about their own inner states and beliefs. We just love to investigate within. That’s where we initiate without concern.
So how do you find the key and throw off your chains? In other words, get rid of your contingencies – inner and outer?
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First, notice your “when’s” and “if’s” without judgment. Simply bring them into your awareness
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Then, ask what is stopping you from having what you want right now. What you are likely to notice is your own needs and fears standing in your way. Note them and see how they are stopping you.
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Next, ask yourself what you want to feel. Which emotion is connected with your want?
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Finally, play with your results from the last two questions: the needs/fears and the emotion you want to feel. Which one is stronger? Can feeling the emotion wash away the need or fear? What else could you do to dispel the fear or satisfy the need? Then can you move forward?
Contingencies are simply a way you postpone what you want. Seeing them and learning to get around them helps you get what you want here and now.
For more on making personal progress, check out the 4-Step Cycle
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that furthers your growth and personal success, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Have you ever faced a day that you knew could turn into a full-fledged disaster? How did you respond?
Did it overcome you, sweeping you up in its swirling vortex and carrying you away? Or did you dance away from its pull, preferring your own pace?
I’m facing that type of day today. The demands are high with lots of things pulling on my attention, from personal issues to business ones. It feels like I could be dashing from one thing to another in just seconds. Easily, I could be swept up by its swirl. 
However, I’ve learned my lesson about these types of days. I don’t engage with them with the hurried pace that feels inviting and alluring. Why? I’ve come to understand that it just doesn’t suit me. It drains my life force and sucks away all the good things about being me. I know because I’ve done it.
Oh, when the rush of many things to do beckoned in the past, I answered. I’d feel so important and capable while managing all those tasks and, often times, people. I’d get this adrenaline zing that put me on such a high.
Then would come the crash. After a day of going faster, I could barely function. I’d be worn down so completely that thinking was a problem and actually doing something was worse. So I recognized the pattern: A day on a high and a day after of complete crash. Not very productive, eh?
I also saw that when I was on the high, I was just performing. I wasn’t present with what I was doing or engaged in it. It became somewhat of an out of body experience: I was there and not, all at the same time.
What changed my response was a conscious choice not to continue to do things that were harmful to me. It was an awareness of loving me that shifted. If I was to be able to love others and to let them love me, I knew I had to love myself first. So I was looking at all the ways I was not being completely loving to me. This rut of being swept up was an early one I found.
Today, I’m embracing that I cannot address everything. Some things will just have to sit and wait for my attention at another time. I’m engaging with what’s in front of me at the moment and giving it my complete attention – like writing to you now while about three other things are going on around me. It’s a groove that serves me better.
I have to admit that this way of life is so much more worthwhile. It allows me the pace that is best for me, while permitting my Inner Adventurer to rise to meet each undertaking fully.
Inner Adventurers learn from their previous falls and they get back up to try life another way. Perhaps we are the masters of experimentation as we are nearly always questioning how we can make life better for ourselves. As Twyla Tharp points out in The Creative Habit, we recognize our ruts and act to change them into grooves. Ruts keep us blindly on the same path while grooves are practices that give us energy and meaning.
Which ruts can you transform into grooves?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
More ways of the Inner Adventurer:
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You are sensitive to your environments
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When you are upset, it affects you deeply on many levels
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You can feel off kilter for what seems like the slightest reason or cause
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You question things more than others do
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You value your physical possessions less than others, in favor of your inner resources
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You willingly wear your heart on your sleeve, open to all of life’s emotions, ready to be hurt but more often rewarded with love
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You wait for others to speak first, reserving your input for later in the discussion, if at all
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You carefully consider what others seemingly answer in a snap
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You are cautious about first-time experiences
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You tend to avoid thrills, like amusement park rides
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You prefer the company of a good friend to a party
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You dislike small talk and talking about yourself
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Your personal awareness is very keen (After all, you are an Inner Adventurer!)
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You respond more slowly than others to outside stimuli
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You pull back from obvious power plays
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Lots of what goes on in this world turns you off
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You distinguish between acquaintances and friends
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You make friends slowly
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You easily see through hype and other phoniness
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You respond to offers slowly, investigating and sensing what is best for you
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You volunteer your time for causes you care about
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You root for the underdog much of the time
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You value peacefulness and harmony, so much so that you tend to avoid conflict or confrontation
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You avoid violence at all times, such as in your choice of movies or television shows, even in the news
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You have a love for all animals
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You enjoy helping things grow
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
No, this is not a takeoff on the comedy routine. Just a simple list to help you see if you might be an Inner Adventurer. You are one if you can claim the majority of these as your traits or patterns:
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You enjoy spending time with our own thoughts
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You can ruminate on an idea for quite some time
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You can feel exhausted after being with people
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You pick up on details that others don’t see
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You value your integrity as one of your prize possessions
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Your awareness is so much keener than most other folks you know
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You realize that acceptance is easier than trying to change things in many cases
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You are sensitive to energies from people or their moods
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You love silence
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You renew and rejuvenate deeply in nature
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You can’t multitask with any degree of success
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You find value in ideas that others might consider weird or strange
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You are spiritual in your outlook and ways of approaching life
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You would often rather read than be with other people
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You are very curious about how you came to be the way you are
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You are eager to heal past hurts and move onward
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You recognize your ego and how it operates
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You have explored, recognized and tested many of your inner resources
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Subtle energetic forces, like art or music, easily move you
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You find fascination in things that others ignore or miss
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You find it difficult, on average, to initiate action
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You find taking action easy when it is fully aligned with who you are
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You consider yourself very creative, even if you never show your creations to anyone
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Your thinking is often divergent from other people
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Self-help or personal development may have become what seems like a way of life for you
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You willingly embrace every emotion you have, regardless of depth
And there is more. Help me develop this definition. Please post a comment with your suggestions.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
It’s the month of Halloween, but I’m not talking about jumping out from behind bushes to scare people. Sometimes, just knowing ourselves as well as we do is enough to surprise others.
Here’s how I surprised people today: I’m always looking for new and innovative ways to serve clients. So when I got an invitation to test an online and interactive coaching system, I said “Why not?”
It wasn’t a pleasant experience, though. Getting into their system was difficult. Now, I consider myself fairly adept with computers and technology (even if it does wear me down due to my highly sensitive nature). I had to ask the help of the support people many times and they ended up doing some steps for me that I couldn’t seem to get from their screens.
When I finally got into the system and saw the “meat” of the program, I was surprised. It was a coaching model from years ago, steeped in setting goals, creating benchmarks and plans to accomplish it. It’s linear, and life rarely is. It often feels like forcing a square peg into a round hole just because you said you would. Ack! Not for me or my typical client.
And then, to get started, there were pages and pages of things to type to share with your “coach” so they could get to know you. All worthwhile, but much easier done by talking than typing.
So I just e-mailed the support tech I was dealing with and surrendered my free spot to someone else. Their reply was amazement mixed with a re-selling of their product. No one has ever told them the material is very outdated or told them “No, thank you” before. It was a first, and quite a surprise.
There is a part of me that relishes in these surprises, knowing they come from a place of complete integrity within me. I may have passed off an opportunity, but I’ve gained all the time I haven’t spent on typing in things I already know about myself just for someone else to get to know me.
Inner Adventurers know where they stand. Their integrity is solid. From that place, it is easy to evaluate where you belong, which opportunities are best for you and how you can fit in. When you know yourself at the depths of Inner Adventuring, it’s hard to be untrue to yourself.
How does your Inner Adventurer surprise people?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
