Inner Adventurer

It’s All Unwritten

I love this time of year. It’s so full of possibility and potential. The slate of the coming year is completely clean, ready for us to write what we want upon it.

Yet, too few of us grab this opportunity. You wouldn’t believe that to see all the television commercials for weight loss or gym memberships. That’s not what I’m talking about, though. What I mean is that each of us needs to embrace the potential of our own lives.

Too many people wallow in what is, thinking that it is all they can ever have. They falsely believe that the past creates the future. Not true. Instead, the present creates the future. So what you are thinking and doing now is what you’ll have coming to you.

For years, I was stuck in that false mindset. It felt like life was a penance to be served awaiting something more glorious in the afterlife. As I expanded my repertoire of reading and ideas, my thinking in the present moment changed. I challenged my thoughts and actions. I found hope and optimism in those new ideas, changing what I thinking and doing. I moved onward, creating better outcomes with each step. And I’m not done yet.

Inner Adventurers like to create, whether it be art, poetry, sculptures, novels, or simply playing a bit of mental ping-pong with ideas. Each new year presents what is the grandest opportunity to create, one that is not to be missed. Embrace it, however cautiously or fervently you choose to do it.

Take all this beautiful unwritten potential and write your heart’s desire on it. Let your heart illuminate the coming year because it’s all unwritten!

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you increased confidence and self-esteem while creating inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

 “Unwritten” Copyright © Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned

Oh, yeah, yeah

Celebrating Holidays When You Are Alone

Inner Adventurers cherish their time alone to dive within and harvest some gems. However, holiday time can bring society’s pressure to this pattern, causing you to think that you “should” be with family or other people.

 Note that “should” word: Whenever you sense it, you are reacting to a source other than your own. It could be other people’s expectations or desires that are causing you to take action. Hearing those “shoulds” alerts you to reconnect with your own heart and source of action.

Here are some ideas to help you enjoy the holidays in your own way and get away from any “shoulds”:

Nurture yourself

Take time to catch up on your sleep, read more or enjoy a warm fire in the fireplace. You might also prepare your favorite meal, serve it on a table with candles and flowers. Or how about a warm bath with your favorite book? Do whatever soothes you.

Acknowledge any less than positive emotions

It’s common to feel some of the holiday blues. Allow yourself to feel them fully so they can release. Take time to cry, if it fits. If you feel angry, scream or punch a pillow in privacy. I find that a good brisk walk or some exercise can transform those downer feelings, too. Actively work through them so you can get on with being happy.

Allow yourself to be happy

Happiness is often a state of being we give ourselves, regardless of what is happening to us or going on around us. So embrace the joy of the season. Create peace in your heart and let it radiate out to the entire Universe.

Visit places where you can embrace the holiday spirit

There has to be someplace decorated near you, be it the town square, local mall or simply houses near you. Or you might attend the production of a seasonal play or hear holiday music. Go there with the intention of soaking up some holiday spirit. Let the season infect you.

Take time to be…just be

Too much of life is about doing. Holidays can give you some space to be…simply be.

Create a new tradition or ritual

What would make your holiday ideal? It could be a hike in the woods, sledding or renting a favorite movie that brings up a certain emotion within you. Or it might be listening to comedy so you belly-laugh like Santa. Do it! Then, find a way to make it part of each holiday season from here on.

Groove on gratitude

Engage your spiritual side by looking back and being grateful for everything that happened to you and everyone who is in your life. You might record it in a gratitude journal or simply say it aloud so it resonates throughout your being.

Give to others through volunteering

What moves your heart? We are each unique in that way and this is the perfect time to give of yourself from your heart. You could find where you can help deliver holiday meals to the elderly or infirmed. You might visit the local animal shelter to pet or groom homeless pets. Whatever it is, giving of yourself is central to the season.

Being alone might not be preventable. Being lonely is! Use one or more of these methods to make your time alone this holiday season just what you want it to be.

 May all the blessings of the season live in your heart!

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Making It Through Holiday Parties and Gatherings

Making It Through Holiday Parties and Gatherings

Wow! That title may cause some folks to scratch their heads. Not for us though, because we’re the ones who often dread this time of year simply because we feel called upon to attend parties and large gatherings. They can be near torture for us.

So here are a few tips to cope with the internal discomfort and make it through them with grace and self-love:

Arrive early when there are fewer people there. Fewer people means less noise and visual stimuli. With less stimulation, you can endure a bit more of the party. I’ve also found it easier to deal with increased stimulation when it comes slowly, like more people arriving at the gathering.

Get comfortable introducing yourself. Actually, it’s not difficult with a bit of practice. A simple “Hi, I’m _____” works well. And taking the initiative will fool some of your inner discomfort.

Ask questions so others do the talking. Yes, we are curious by nature and asking questions helps take the spotlight off of you. Plus, you can learn much simply by listening: another one of our good traits.

Pick a subject of interest to you to bring up in conversations. There’s nothing wrong about shifting the conversation to something you’d like to talk about.

Don’t be afraid to share your opinion, even when it differs from others. Just do it without any bite, such as saying, “I feel there is a different way of looking at this. How about…”

Leave when you feel you’ve had enough. If you are having fun and don’t feel too stimulated, stay as long as you want. Stay in touch with how you are feeling and with how much you are enjoying things. When you feel you’ve had enough, simply express your gratitude to your host and be on your way without any bad feelings, because you are caring for yourself.

Parties and gathering are fine for those of us who are introverted and highly sensitive. We just have to do it on our own terms. And Inner Adventurers know that taking care of themselves is a positive sign of self-respect and self-love. When we respect and love ourselves, it is so much easier for others to respect and love us, too.

Enjoy your holidays without dreading the next get together!

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Holiday Times Call for Boundaries

It’s nearly certain that someone will test your boundaries this season. Boundaries are an expression of self-love while upholding them makes a statement of your inherent worth and inner strength.

Why so many boundary issues at this time of year? Well, it’s easy. So many people are stressed or overwhelmed that it is hard to stay on their best behavior. It’s easier to slip up because of feeling drained and out of touch with yourself from the holiday pressure. Things slide by, for us and for them. That’s why it’s important to understand and forgive.

Respect for your boundaries starts with you. No one can do this but you. If you set a boundary and then let others trample all over it, it probably wasn’t even worth setting it in the first place.

I recall when one of my own boundaries was crossed. I hosted nearly all the family get-togethers for quite a few years. Our tight-spaced home had plenty of rooms, but everyone seemed to want to hang out in the kitchen. It was alright, but required some fancy stepping by everyone to be there while the cooking or cleaning were going on.

Then, the television would get turned on. People would be talking. Up went the volume on the TV, so everyone talked louder. I think you can sense what happens from here. That constant battle of TV volume and several conversations, getting louder and louder, along with the fancy footwork just to function, wasn’t any fun for me. Add in my sensitivity to noise with my desire for some personal space around me and I quickly got rattled. I had told everyone my wishes several times before, but as humans do, they forgot.

How can you respond when a boundary is overstepped? I’ll show you how by continuing my story.

Start with a gentle but firm reminder of your boundary. Speak up calmly, with conviction. I turned off the TV and got everyone’s attention. I shared how this wasn’t working well for me and invited others to the other TV in the family and to take conversations to the living room in front of the fireplace so I could work with the few who were assisting me. Some folks followed my suggestions, but then came back.

Realize that others slip up and may have forgotten how you asked to be treated. You are not being ignored or put down. So don’t sulk or get angry. People are simply being human and forgetting or putting their own interests in this moment ahead of yours. Here is where I took a deep breath, calmed myself and readied for the next step.

If others continue to fail to comply, restate your boundary with a consequence you are willing to uphold. Continued stepping over your boundary means you have to become a bit more serious to get what you want and deserve. This is where you draw the line in the sand. It’s not about being mean to them, but instead about protecting your spirit and being kind to yourself. I told everyone if they couldn’t comply I would stop hosting the family events, which meant if things got too much for me, then I could just leave.

I bet you want to know what happened in the long run. I got a lot of serious looks after I shared my consequence – looks of “Boy, she means business.” And I did. My firm request put a bit of a damper on the spirits, yet only for a short while. As I continued to be myself and move on from it, others followed and the tension-filled, awkward moment has passed. After this, other gatherings were improved and more to my liking.

Inner Adventurers know themselves very well. With that knowledge comes self-respect for what we stand for and want in this world. Boundaries demonstrate your self-respect and ask others to respect you, too. That’s why setting your boundaries and asking from compliance become natural ways of being for Inner Adventurers.

InnerVantage AdVantage Members get access to a unique library, built especially for the quiet and sensitive people of this world. In that library are several articles and two in-depth workbooks about boundaries: Build Better Boundaries and Developing Emotional Boundaries. Learn more about becoming an AdVantage Member here…

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Creating Peace

Okay, I already know there won’t be any deep thoughts or big revelations in this post. Read on, though, because you could pick up an incredible tip.

Why won’t there be anything deep or shocking? Because I’m all a-jumble these days. I can’t simmer down. There’s lots of things left undone or half done. This situation sets me up to feel like I’m tugged in many directions, almost like it is pulling me apart. It can also feel like rush-hour traffic where everything is a big blur.

That means I have to slow down and put myself back together. I’ll focus on picking up papers and organizing, cleaning out my e-mail Inbox, tidying up everything and finishing things before I start anything new.

Finally, when all that is done, I can feel at peace. That’s where I need to be this weekend. Only I can create peace for myself. And by doing so, I send the vibration of peace to everyone.

What you can pick up from this is: how do you create the ideal conditions for you to excel? Maybe you are like me and need to create external peace to feel it more deeply inside. Or you might need to take care of your emotional disturbances first. Otherwise, you could just find it hard to move ahead on anything while not really knowing what’s up for you.

That’s part of the point around this: becoming aware of what has to happen or be so you can give or be your best. Once you learn that recipe, life shifts to become more wonderful.

How do you set up your conditions to excel? Leave a comment to let me know…

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Holiday Emotions

It seems like nearly everyone can have a shorter fuse than usual this time of year. Whether it be holiday deadlines, longer to-do lists, work pressures or end-of year concerns, it call all seem like too much and cause good-tempered folks to boil over unexpectedly. 

One experience that can be very discomforting is when someone takes something out on you that is unwarranted. Most likely, they are upset at something or someone else and they are needlessly redirecting those feelings at you. Albeit difficult, you can still feel empathy for that person.

 Why you? Well, maybe you were the next person they see, This used to happen a lot when I managed a bank branch. Usually well-mannered customers could suddenly change demeanor because of something that happened just before they left work. The front-line personnel found it hard to take, and it was. 

I also experienced this in my family. It was a classic Jekyll-Hyde situation. Either my role models were in emotional denial, disguising what they felt, or they were engaging in a total outburst, sometimes complete with physical violence, like the time my father put his fist through a wall, nearly breaking his hand. I had no emotional parenting, leaving me to figure out how to deal with emotions later in life and all on my own. 

Another reason you get their outburst could be our usual meek and mild demeanor. It can be easier to blast someone they know would have a difficult time blasting them back. They get to diffuse, but you are left holding their bag. Not so pleasant. 

What can you do about it? Here are some tactics to respond to unwarranted emotions. Use as many of these as you can to help yourself and the other person:

• Breathe deeply and stay in the present moment
• Discharge negative energy into the ground below you through your feet. As you breathe in, draw up positive energy from the earth to fill every cell
• Detach from your own emotional reaction to the attack. Be aware of it but don’t engage it
• Remind yourself this incident isn’t about you
• Keep your heart as open as possible
• Decide how to respond: You can probe to help the other person release or simply keep the encounter as short as possible and then remove yourself from their presence. You might also choose to let them know their attack is unwelcome with you. (Of course, some of what you choose here can depend on your relationship with the other person. I trust you’ll know what’s best when you are in the situation.)
• Send them positive energy and healing for what they’ve suffered
• Remind yourself again that it’s their issue, not yours 

Inner Adventurers are usually more emotionally developed than the majority of the population. That’s why it is ideal for us to lead the way and show that development when needed. We can be the pivot point that helps others really connect to what is going on for them, if that is a role you choose to engage in the moment. If you do, the other person may be very grateful you were the angel on their path that time. 

How might you emotionally help another person this season? 

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Finding Emotional Freedom

No one wants to be a prisoner of their emotions. Yet so many people live that way, especially in tense situations or times of disaster.

My recent “disaster” was having my computer infected with malicious software or malware late on Wednesday. The rest of the week has been recovering from that. I had to take my laptop back to its “out of the box” state, so it’s been a complete rebuild from there. I’m blessed to have nearly all my data backed up and I’ll only have to re-do several things I did early on Wednesday.

When you run a business that is Internet-based, your computer becomes your lifeline. So issues like these feel very much like “disaster” and can bring up some strong feelings. That’s where the concept of emotional freedom connects here.

One emotional response to this could be denial. Otherwise, I could feel victimized by some hacker who created the malware and blame them. I might also get angry or feel resentment. Then, too, I could feel guilty, because this was my own doing. Nearly every negative emotion is possible here.

What’s most important to know here is how you respond in situations like these. What would be your reaction?

The thing that has helped me the most these last few days is realizing that I am not my emotions. They will come and go, continually transforming from one feeling into another. I’ve been able to sense my humanity by feeling my feelings independently of my divine experience of this life.

As I embrace my spirit, emotions fall aside and lose their grip. All it takes for me to go there is a couple of deep breaths with strong exhales, imaging that I’m connected to all that is. That’s getting freedom from your emotions.

And all this is very timely. Dr. Judith Orloff’s Public Broadcasting (PBS) special called Emotional Freedom Now! debuts this month. I respect her work greatly because she is a highly sensitive person like me and many of you. Her approach always reflects that side of her and her suggestions for coping more easily align than other authors.

Check out the PBS broadcast stations and schedule

Purchase Dr. Orloff’s book on Emotional Freedom

Take the Are You Emotionally Free? quiz

See a clip from the show (middle of the page)

Also check out Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennett Goleman which helps you bring mindfulness to your emotional state

How free are you from the grip of emotions?

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage

Highly Sensitive Holidays

There are so many holiday memories. One that still sticks out for me was the year I didn’t visit Santa. 

It was a cold New Jersey night when my dad took my brother and me to sit on Santa’s lap so we could tell him what we wanted for Christmas. The town had built a special house for Santa in the town square. Festive lights and decorations were everywhere. 

Slowly we inched ahead in a long line of parents and children waiting for this special experience. Cameras flashed into the darkness as proud parents snapped memories to cherish many years from this moment.  

I was getting colder and colder. My body was becoming a frozen popsicle with feet of solid ice. I jumped around to try to stay warm. Still, I was uncomfortable. 

Suddenly, we were at the head of the line outside Santa’s house. It was bright inside compared to the night’s darkness. I saw a Christmas tree with presents beneath, poinsettias and a fireplace with stockings hung. The strange man in red sat alone on top of a fierce-looking brown bearskin rug. I couldn’t see his face behind all the whiskers, moustache and eyebrows of white fluffiness. Santa beckoned for both of us to come in. One glimpse inside and I knew I wasn’t going in.  

My reaction was strong and immediate. “No,” I insisted as I clung to my dad’s side. He tried to push me toward Santa, but quickly gave in to my insistence. Off went my brother to ask for what he wanted and I stayed behind. In that moment, I thought I would get nothing for Christmas. 

For such a long time I didn’t understand what happened to me. I simply remained glad that I obeyed my instincts to stay behind. As my later self-discovery revealed my introverted and highly sensitive nature, the situation became a bit clearer for me. 

I still don’t know exactly what happened to me that cold winter night. Perhaps it was my cautious nature protecting me. Maybe it was my intuition advising me. Otherwise, it equally could have been my senses completely overwhelmed by the waiting and watching all the lights and decorations. Whatever it was, it was an intense alert to protect me from potential danger. Too young to handle the fear, I simply obeyed my body’s signal. 

For now, I understand this incidence as an early sign of two traits I’ve come to cherish: my introversion and highly sensitive senses. Knowing that this is the way I’ve always been brings comfort and understanding to many experiences I’ve had. 

Inner Adventurers take life’s experiences and use them as grist for their personal mill. Each experience is broken down, looked at from differing viewpoints and discharged emotionally. Why? Because it brings deeper insight and healing to what has shaped us.  

It is not easy growing up introverted and highly sensitive. Many things can imprint potentially harmful memories because of the story one writes that brings meaning to each event. Inner Adventurers relish in questioning that meaning, seeing why a certain meaning was stamped on a circumstance, bringing forth viable alternative meanings and, in seeing a trauma through new eyes, releasing its limiting hold. Re-writing the story heals us. 

Which story might you start to re-write? 

To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future 

For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage