How I Became an Inner Adventurer (Part 1)
When you are an introvert and also highly sensitive (HSP), it’s easy to feel different from other people. Growing up and way into adulthood, there are only fleeting moments where I would feel connected or in tune with others.
I was quiet and not like others around me. I hated playtime at school. I would hover to the edges of the activity, only to find my 
teachers pushing me to get involved in all the romping and running other children were doing. It was all too much: too fast, too noisy and much too much commotion. I didn’t choose to be involved. I saw that my thoughts, reactions, likes and how I did things was nearly opposite of what other thought and did. I felt like I had no way to fit in.
So I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. It seemed every instance convinced me of it more and more. I had few friends and preferred time alone in my room to being with other people. I felt I didn’t belong. Grade school passed. So did high school. And then college. Still no answer.
I kept trying and it all felt so awkward and contrived, as if I was trying to play a role that wasn’t me. I copied what others were doing and tried it on my own. I didn’t succeed at it. For instance, I’ve always had trouble in conversation. Small talk seems like such a waste of time to me, while others thrive at it. When I tried to converse, I’d end up saying something embarrassing, so being silent turned out to be much easier for me. Each failure seemed like all the more reason to feel I was flawed permanently.
Naturally, my path into self-growth started with my pursuit of finding what I was missing or what I was doing wrong. I felt I had to fix myself. I read books, tried new programs, studied psychology and used about every search I could to discover what was missing.
More time passed. I pursued several jobs and found some success, although I was still thinking I was flawed and missed acknowledging the success when it happened. In high school, I worked at selling shoes and did okay because I’d care for each customer. Color, style, fit and comfort – all of it was important. After that, I landed for over 20 years in the banking industry, where I worked my way from teller to training and sales director. In banking, taking care of the customer was important. My boss valued me for my attention to detail and for my people skills. Eventually, I opened my own consulting company.
Gee, if this was what success was all about, how come I still felt dissatisfied? I was pursuing what others were going after and it left me feeling empty and unfulfilled inside. I knew there must be more than what I’d found so far.
Stop back soon for Part 2…
Sarah, thanks so much for your post. I’ve always been “an inner adventurer” and “HSP”. I, too, always felt I was different, awkward, weird and never quite fit in. I am very grateful now because I am learning to accept that I am perfect just the way I am. I don’t have to like loud music and being bloisterous. I am learning to honor and support my being–gentleness with fire (my passion). Souls like you are helping me on my journey through your honesty and openness and self-acceptance. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to just be me. I too have spent years in corporate where I developed a persona to deal and succeed. Little by little the true me is emerging and I like me. In fact, I love me. I recently became a certified coach and wish to spread joy and upliftment to others as well. Much Love, Peace & Joy to you and yours. Keep doing the great work you do!
Thank you so much, Myriam. I’m glad to have you walking this path with me. I honor you for all the precious gifts you bring to the world by showing who you really are! Wishing you all life’s blessings in multitude!