Holiday Times Call for Boundaries
It’s nearly certain that someone will test your boundaries this season. Boundaries are an expression of self-love while upholding them makes a statement of your inherent worth and inner strength.
Why so many boundary issues at this time of year? Well, it’s easy. So many people are stressed or overwhelmed that it is hard to stay on their best behavior. It’s easier to slip up because of feeling drained and out of touch with yourself from the holiday pressure. Things slide by, for us and for them. That’s why it’s important to understand and forgive.
Respect for your boundaries starts with you. No one can do this but you. If you set a boundary and then let others trample all over it, it probably wasn’t even worth setting it in the first place.
I recall when one of my own boundaries was crossed. I hosted nearly all the family get-togethers for quite a few years. Our tight-spaced home had plenty of rooms, but everyone seemed to want to hang out in the kitchen. It was alright, but required some fancy stepping by everyone to be there while the cooking or cleaning were going on.
Then, the television would get turned on. People would be talking. Up went the volume on the TV, so everyone talked louder. I think you can sense what happens from here. That constant battle of TV volume and several conversations, getting louder and louder, along with the fancy footwork just to function, wasn’t any fun for me. Add in my sensitivity to noise with my desire for some personal space around me and I quickly got rattled. I had told everyone my wishes several times before, but as humans do, they forgot.
How can you respond when a boundary is overstepped? I’ll show you how by continuing my story.
Start with a gentle but firm reminder of your boundary. Speak up calmly, with conviction. I turned off the TV and got everyone’s attention. I shared how this wasn’t working well for me and invited others to the other TV in the family and to take conversations to the living room in front of the fireplace so I could work with the few who were assisting me. Some folks followed my suggestions, but then came back.
Realize that others slip up and may have forgotten how you asked to be treated. You are not being ignored or put down. So don’t sulk or get angry. People are simply being human and forgetting or putting their own interests in this moment ahead of yours. Here is where I took a deep breath, calmed myself and readied for the next step.
If others continue to fail to comply, restate your boundary with a consequence you are willing to uphold. Continued stepping over your boundary means you have to become a bit more serious to get what you want and deserve. This is where you draw the line in the sand. It’s not about being mean to them, but instead about protecting your spirit and being kind to yourself. I told everyone if they couldn’t comply I would stop hosting the family events, which meant if things got too much for me, then I could just leave.
I bet you want to know what happened in the long run. I got a lot of serious looks after I shared my consequence – looks of “Boy, she means business.” And I did. My firm request put a bit of a damper on the spirits, yet only for a short while. As I continued to be myself and move on from it, others followed and the tension-filled, awkward moment has passed. After this, other gatherings were improved and more to my liking.
Inner Adventurers know themselves very well. With that knowledge comes self-respect for what we stand for and want in this world. Boundaries demonstrate your self-respect and ask others to respect you, too. That’s why setting your boundaries and asking from compliance become natural ways of being for Inner Adventurers.
InnerVantage AdVantage Members get access to a unique library, built especially for the quiet and sensitive people of this world. In that library are several articles and two in-depth workbooks about boundaries: Build Better Boundaries and Developing Emotional Boundaries. Learn more about becoming an AdVantage Member here…
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