You Can Speak Up, Even If You Are Quiet, Shy Or Timid
It’s not easy being an introvert or highly sensitive person (HSP) when things are not going as you’d like them. You feel inner distress so much more acutely than others do. At the same time, you are the peaceful type, one who appreciates harmony and dislikes discord, conflict or confrontation. Still, it is possible to speak up in a respectful manner, regardless of your personality type or natural aversions.
All of this came into my personal life recently. We’re having the interior of our home painted and I dreamed of soothing colors. I even thought I picked them on the color chart. Yet, when the first color went up, it was just to stimulating for me. There’s my dilemma: How do I tell the painter I want it changed? And then, I naturally go off onto other related concerns, too, like the time and effort it took him to do this much.
So I spent more than 24 hours running different scenarios in my head of what I would say and how he might react. Being prepared for an array of outcomes is very helpful to this process. I felt my inner turmoil, wanting to avoid the confrontation and not wanting to have things stay the way they were. I was spinning!
Holding things in or keeping them to yourself is simply not the best way to go. Why? Because that means you are willingly shouldering the burden on your own. It silently says you are prepared to absorb and own all the tension by yourself. This is not a self-loving act for anyone. Additionally, you are showing others what you hold as your self-image.
Likely, you are holding back because you choose to avoid the tension of a confrontation, which may or may not lead to conflict. All the while, your inner tension is mounting. So there is tension regardless of which route you choose to pursue.
Here are three steps to speaking up that manage your tension while reliving your inner angst:
First, feel into what is disturbing you. What is it? Which emotions are kicked up? To what degree? Get clear words in place that express your distress, disappointment or whatever you are disturbed about.
Next, center in your heart. Create an intention you wish to fulfill by your initial actions and throughout the discussion. For example, it might be that you wish to act from kindness toward all involved, including yourself. Or it might be to stand firm in your beliefs, but remain flexible around the outcome. This is the step that most helps you avoid conflict.
Then, speak up. Release any attachment to a particular outcome which you might find most desirable. Instead, set a tone that promotes collaborative resolution where all contribute to the result.
My plans of what to say to the painter were eased with this process and by knowing how to approach the conversation. So what happened? It all worked out easier than I ever imagined. The next work day, he walked in and asked how I liked the color. It was the door opening that relieved my tension. I simply had to say it didn’t work for me and move back to the color chart to select new ones. Then, it occurred to me that I wasn’t the first one to ever tell him this news. It was something he expects on every job. The anguish was all mine over a little thing that was easily solved.
There are so many rewards from taking this approach. You are releasing your tension to allow for an equitable resolution. You also gain self-respect and self-confidence from expressing yourself. Not to mention that you get experience. Each time you use this method, it becomes easier.
And then comes the ultimate benefit: you have your inner peace once again.
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Great article . Will definitely copy it to my site.Thanks.