I simply hate to miss things I like. Yet, that’s what happened yesterday.
I had the opportunity to go on a birding hike yesterday morning. A group of my favorite friends were going to be there, which guarantees fun and usually something impromptu happening afterward. Being in nature is rejuvenating for me, so the opportunity to join them sounded quite attractive. I simply couldn’t make up my mind about whether I wanted to go or not.
That choice was difficult because I’ve done so many extra things recently. Our group did an extra hike this week. After that, we enjoyed a local arts and crafts fair. Then, we went to lunch.
Okay, none of these things by themselves is all that exhausting. However, for the sensitive type like I am, stringing them together in a row can be quite draining. (I’m not complaining, just reporting the difference.)
So knowing that I was already a bit over-extended, I let my body make the decision. Yes, that is possible. I went to bed knowing that if I awoke on time naturally, then I was going to go. If I slept past the time I needed to arise to get to the birding hike, then it simply wasn’t meant to be this time.
I felt a bit sad to miss my friends and what promised to be a good time with them. At the same time, I felt gratified by not overextending myself and regretting it later.
Everything in life is a choice, whether you recognize it or not and even if you make the choice not to choose. Most people think your brain has to make a rational decision about everything. Not true, as you can let your body tell you what is best for it. I find this method works especially well for those who are sensitive.
What choice can you make that honors your self-care?
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
I’m not afraid to admit I’m a “neat freak.” I’ve found that part of keeping my highly sensitive nature at its best is keeping my environment free from too much visual stimuli. So to me, decluttering is self-care because I remove something that disturbs me.
It wasn’t always this way, though. Growing up, our house was always full of magazines, books, newspapers and lots of other things. I can remember the coffee table being several layers thick with printed material. I only knew what a difference it made for me when I moved to my own first place. And then I didn’t connect it to being highly sensitive until over 20 years later.
Yet, I find that many of our type tend to live in cluttered physical spaces. Why? The reasons I hear are as individual as the people I work with.
One common reason people keep more than they need, and therefore cause clutter, is security-based. I often hear “What if I need this someday?” Well, for information, that might have worked 10 years ago, but today with the internet evolving access to more information than we ever dreamed possible, this excuse has become outdated. That takes care of a lot of papers and the like.
What if your decluttering involves things, not information? Here’s a suggestion. If you think you could need it, put it someplace out of the way, like in a closet or garage. If in 6 months time you haven’t needed it, you can feel safe getting rid of it.
Don’t forget that decluttering is a great time to drum up some extra cash with a yard sale or get some good feelings by donating your unwanted goods to a local thrift store. The one closest to me benefits the Humane Society, which aligns neatly with my values.
Now, please don’t take this on if it doesn’t fit for you. I’m not saying everyone needs to declutter. Decluttering is not a “should” or “must have” simply because other people do it. Follow it only if it feels best for you.
Is decluttering for you? I suggest you give it a try. Tidy an area within a room and see how you feel when you look at it. What feelings come up for you? Is it a restful “Ahhhhh…” that brings you peace? Or are you proud of what you accomplished and how it looks now? Those are a few clues that more decluttering would suit you.
Then I’ve worked with other people for whom a sufficient amount of clutter equals their organization system. They know what is there and exactly where it is. They can find anything you ask for. Remarkable, but true.
Won’t you give this self-care tactic a try? It’s the only way to find out what suits you best.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
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No one needs to tell you that this is a noisy, agitating and disruptive world. It’s difficult to hold attention on any one thing without a distraction coming along, trying to lure you away from your point of focus.
This pattern is especially hard on those of us who are highly sensitive (HSP). Our focus is lighter and more on the surface than others who are not highly sensitive and, thus, we are more susceptible to distractions. (In case you hadn’t noticed, we also sleep more lightly, too.) The usual outcome from this is we feel more distress or anxiety, simply because we cannot settle down and hear our inner guidance.
That’s precisely why this component becomes an important part of ample self-care for our type. Yet, I’ve found out from my private clients that so many of us don’t do it. Why? Some claim they don’t have the time. (See my last post to help you take care of that excuse.) Others don’t know how.
Let’s look at how you can start:
It’s essential for our type to get time alone each day. That allows us to dispel the energies we’ve taken on and process, taking time to feel the events of our experience and sort things out. Without this time, everything inside of you can get bottlenecked, feeling like you don’t even know who you are anymore. How much time each day? The answer to that is very individual. With experimentation, you will find what fits best for you.
What do you do with that time? Several options are sit quietly, think, feel, journal, read something inspirational and reflect on it, do yoga, tai chi or qi gong or anything else that renews you without adding in more to process. Even meditation works well.
Recovering this indispensable connection to yourself is vital. Once you begin to reconnect, the next move is to learn to protect your energies. There are a variety of ways I cover with my clients. Now, it’s best to know it is possible to participate in this world, living a full life, without succumbing to the potent energies of other people.
You get your own life back by connecting to yourself and protecting your energies. It’s fundamental self-care for highly sensitive people.
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
How many times have you found yourself saying something like that? It’s a close cousin to the “I don’t have the time…” excuse. And I’ve heard it too many times from friends and clients.
Yes, life is busy, but I think this is the lazy person’s excuse. Why? Because they are letting life rule them and not stepping up to take responsibility for their own use of time. Now, I hope that doesn’t put you off, but these words can be a potent and end up confounding you.
Let’s look beneath this frequent excuse to loosen its hold.
When something always comes up and stops you from doing what you choose, there can be a lot behind it. Most of the time when I hear this, it comes with a sense of urgency – that whatever came up is of great importance and has to be handled right away. Yes, emergencies come up for all of us. Yet, many emergencies can be circumvented.
For instance, when you are reacting to the whim of whatever, it is nearly certain that you lack definite priorities. Priorities are like a rudder that keep you on the path you choose to be on.
So how do priorities help you? When you have certain priorities, you can assess whatever comes up in relationship to those priorities. This just happened to me last week. A friend called asking if I wanted to go hiking that day. I hadn’t had a day to myself in such a long time that when I compared the activity to my desires, I graciously said, “No, not today. Thank you.” What a gift to myself when I needed it most.
Where do I hear this excuse most often? It’s around self-care and why someone hasn’t gotten to it. Yes, something will come up to divert you unless you put yourself on your own schedule. Being on your own schedule makes you a priority in your own life. It’s one of life’s most essential decisions for the introvert and sensitive types, like me.
Another source of things that “come up” could be that you have too many things left incomplete in your life. Some of those things can be related to deadlines and as time passes, urgency increases. The cure for this is to complete everything as much as possible. (Hey, I’m doing on call on this tomorrow. Completions; Setting Yourself Free. Full details here…)
Perhaps the hardest part of this excuse is to realize that you have likely taught other people that they can interrupt you or get your attention just by asking. This comes from being too available whenever someone asks or calls. When you let people into your life at any moment without concern for yourself or your priorities, they learn that you will answer. So they count on your more, and more.
This pattern can be excruciatingly hard for our introverted and highly sensitive type because it increases what others demand of us. Eventually we are worn down and unable to give any more. Resentment sets in and we’re in a bad place because we haven’t learned to say “No” when we need to. I’ve seen time and time again that our type will continue in this pattern trying to fill their need to be wanted, included and needed. Sad, but true.
The next time you find yourself without enough time for something you really want to do or being buffeted by whatever life brings, I encourage you to dig deeper and find out why. These clues will help you. Then you can deal with it from its source, not its symptoms.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
I just got back from a quick jaunt out of state for a few days. And I’m reminded how disruptive travel can be for our type. The packing and unpacking along with the act of getting to previously unseen places can just wear us down.
It really doesn’t have to be that way. With a few different preparations, new thoughts and actions, travelling can be much more pleasant than you may have experienced in the past.
Try these tips for your next travel excursion:
Give yourself the gift of time: This means before and after your trip. Before you leave, take your time getting ready. Perhaps you’d like to make a list of what you plan to take with you. That makes it easier to gather and pack it all. The same thing works upon your return. It can take several days to get back into your usual routine. So grant yourself that time to relax, get over any tiredness from the trip. Extra rest or sleep helps wonderfully, too.
After my trip, I’m tired and staying aware of it. I’m just letting my energy level tell me what I can get done each day. Amazingly, things are coming together pretty well without any pressure.
Watch your pace. Often, one can feel compelled to keep up with everyone else. That can be a sure recipe to wear yourself down and leave you too depleted to enjoy much of anything.
While on your trip, make leisurely plans. Leave some unscheduled time to simply answer the call of your body – whatever it wants to do. Maybe it wants an extra nap or time to sit by a fountain and hear the moving water. This gift to yourself can make a big difference in how you feel when you arrive home.
And don’t forget to give yourself some solitude to be with your own thoughts.
I didn’t do so well on this one for my short trip. I was with other people nearly constantly for four days. However, I was with two other people who know me very well, so as I got cranky from my tiredness, I could be open about it and they understood. And for me, lesson learned.
Self-care matters! Yes, your self-care routine matters even more when you are away than when you are home. So be sure to take it with you. This can be a time to pamper and soothe yourself even more than you do at home. Take your favorite tea and perhaps a little taste indulgence, such as a bit of chocolate. Yum! Bring along something you enjoy reading. Your mp3 player can also be a touchstone to keeping you relaxed, as it can seal out some of the sensory overload from crowded environments, like airports.
I did better on this one. Music always soothes me, and my iPod was a great companion to relax with. I also indulged in a loaf of special bread for morning toast with rich blueberry jam. Double yum!
Protect your constitution. Face it, our bodily systems are more sensitive to changes in routines than others experience. So it matters a lot to stay with what you are used to, like the same time and routine to retire at night. Also, eating every meal at a restaurant can be difficult.
I did okay here, as I recognized my body’s cry for its usual food. Off we went to the grocery store to pick up some yogurt and fruit. I lightened up on my intake, gave my body foods it was used to and I felt better quickly.
Choose activities that renew you. Find what fills you up in your temporary home. Search out what gives you energy and do that. This could mean finding the local art museum or nearby park.
This one was a big success for me. I planned two days out in nature, hiking new locations including Joshua Tree National Park and it was ideal. I even saw a 60 foot natural waterfall. And I’m glad to share some of those experiences with you in the photos shown with this post.
I find that successful travel for our type lies much in our expectations and learning to do what is best for us. I hope these tips make your next trip easier and more successful for you.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this recently: “I don’t have that kind of time for myself.”
At first blush, this is very understandable. Simply the pressures of living are enough to keep one occupied from dawn to dusk. It seems as though more things pile on to our To-Do lists than go off of them. Something has to get cut out, but what is it? Is it the time you take for yourself?
For so many people, that is the first thing they give up. For those of us who are introverts and highly sensitive, this decision is self-sabotage. Let’s look what can happen to see why.
Imagine yourself as a paper cup full of liquid, which represents your inner resources. With each new thing you take on, punch a hole in the side of the cup relative to the size of the commitment or task. How many holes you have and of what size depends on what you are attempting to take on. How does your mental picture look?
You might feel how it affects you, too: that by taking on more things you get more tired, feel more frazzled and become stretched too thinly over what you have to manage. Help! What’s going on here? You are depleting yourself! Your cup could end up completely dry. And this is the self-sabotage place for we who are introverts and highly sensitive.
The sensible question becomes: How do you refill the liquid in your cup? Put another way, how do you renew your inner resources? By your own self-care routine and taking time for yourself. This is the only way your cup ever gets filled.
Now imagine your cup is overflowing with liquid. What happens in this case? You approach life with gusto, imagination, creativity, and seeing more options. You simply have more resources to use in any situation. You also cherish those resources more and discern the better spots to apply them.
That’s the power of taking time for yourself.
When there is not enough time for yourself, there is only one place to look for relief– at yourself. No one else will ask you to slow down or take care of yourself. It’s a precious gift only you can give to you.
Which way do you choose?
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
An interesting thing just happened. I sat down to write a new post. With a few sentences on the page, I was magnetically drawn into the present moment. The silence was palpable.
The moment sparkled. I was spellbound with my own breathing and heartbeat. I could feel my body intently. It seemed as if that was all that mattered.
Why such a dramatic shift? The past month has been a whirlwind. Working from home is not always ideal, especially when you have contractors in the house. I’ve had painters here for 4 weeks and a few days. And with them comes a level of commotion I’m simply not used to.
Furniture moved…extra cleaning…rearranging moved things…color selection…then changing colors…people talking in the background…office moved…questions to be answered. I think you get the drift. For 5 to 6 days each week, it was the same routine.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy with my new colors and the soothing atmosphere I now have. It fits and I’m glad I did it. It is just the experience of it all that can get to be overload for the highly sensitive person that I am.
In stark contrast, that shining moment of silence was healing. Nothing was in the way. Nothing was distracting. A moment to Be, and Be, and Be.
Relishing the silence even more…Ahhhhh
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
One pattern I’ve seen time and time again for our introverted and highly sensitive types is the pattern of stalling before we get to action. And with that pattern, it seems that our dreams and desires simply float into ether, going unrealized and leaving us unfulfilled.
From clients, I’ve heard justifications, fears, doubts and excuses galore. All of it makes sense when you put them in the context of the situation. Yet, the fact that one lets them exist still leaves us without any forward movement.
One fear I hear often is simply around movement itself. “Gee, I’m okay just as I am…” they say, ignoring the pain or disappointment they mentioned in their previous statement. I remind them that no one says movement has to be swift. Just making movement at whatever pace is comfortable for you is fine.
Not every moment is one for forward movement, though. In my e-book, Powerful Tips for Inner-Directed Individuals, I talk about stretching from strength. That means making sure all your needs are satisfied and assuring that you are as strong as you can be. You want a firm foundation and alignment, just like in proper exercise practice. Stretching from strength keeps you from falling.
That strength comes more easily when you invest in your self-care. There is something about making regular contributions to yourself that simply makes forward movement so much easier.
The secret to great beginnings is self-care. Without it, there may be no beginnings at all.
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Whew! How much faster can things go?
How many more demands on my time and energy can I take?
How long before I just collapse?
When will it end?
Have you ever had thoughts like these running in your head? Many of us have.
And this is what my life has been like recently. Business demands have been high and all the while, I have painters in the house going on 3 weeks now and more is coming. It seems as though everything is out of place and in chaos all at once. And my usual serene environment is going through major disruption.
Go back to those thoughts for a moment. Did you notice the negative tinge to them? Each one is making what is happening in the now wrong.
This kind of thinking can feel like a giant magnetic pull into what seems like an endless pit of negativity. And seeing what’s wrong comes naturally to me, as I grew up in the presence of that perspective. Drat, more magnetic pull!
The shift comes for me when you start to recognize what’s right with whatever is happening. Two states of being helped me shift to that today. One is acceptance. “Okay, this is where I’m at now. I can continue to resist it or I can accept what is.” Feel into that thought and see which one relaxes you. Ah, acceptance can be transforming.
The other state of being is trusting that all is as it is supposed to be. I believe we are not in complete control in this life. Some force beyond our human senses is working with us. Notice the word “with.” That one word brings about the trust factor. And therefore, I cannot do anything all on my own.
Acceptance and trusting shifted my day. The painter called and said no one would be here today. Yippee! A free day to enjoy my environment on my own, even if it is a bit jumbled up. But they may work tomorrow – Saturday – to catch up. Still, this is just what I needed today. Tomorrow, I will focus on more accepting and more trusting.
One day at a time.
Read my original post on being busy with other coping skills here
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
Over the weekend, I took time to work on those many things that piled up during the week: laundry, mending, house cleaning, and the rest of all that kind of stuff. I could have just as easily decided to go out and play in the unusually warm weather we’re having. Yet, I knew what would happen this week if I did. I would have been miserable trying to catch up on everything.
Why? Because being highly sensitive, I take in so much more stimuli than other people who are not like me. That makes my environments so important. I want them to be pleasing and soothe me. Anything else quickly turns into a toleration.
Tolerations are all those things that chew up your energy and take up space in your mind. You know the kind of things, like:
- Your browser that locks up when you are trying to get something on the web
- The bathtub drain that goes too slow
- Listening to others’ gossip
- Dissatisfaction with your own appearance
- The leak in the irrigation system
- Overflowing closets, cupboards or drawers
- The boss’s nagging you to finish your part of her pet project
Can you feel the energy drain just thinking about having these things in your life? Without those tolerations, you have that energy and space to do other things you’d rather do.
Here are some reasons tolerations are so important for highly sensitive people (HSPs):
- We are sensors, so we take in more information to process. Tolerations cause us to take in what isn’t best for us.
- We are more sensitive to our environment that others. Therefore, even small things that are not ideal for us can cause an upset.
- We tend to carry thoughts and feelings around with us and not express them. So carrying tolerations adds an extra burden.
- Interference from events, people or situations that are not ideal can make it harder to listen to your own inner guidance, which tells you what’s good for you.
- We are not naturally high-energy people. So using energy for something that is not necessary or beneficial just doesn’t make sense.
Do you want to find out how to handle tolerations better? To learn why you carry tolerations and what you can do to live without them FOREVER? Yes, it is possible. All the details are here for Eliminating Tolerations
To work with Sarah in a one-to-one confidential relationship that brings you confidence, self-esteem and inner peace, contact her to explore your promising future
For more of what Sarah has to offer about living an inner-inspired life, visit InnerVantage
That choice was difficult because I’ve done so many extra things recently. Our group did an extra hike this week. After that, we enjoyed a local arts and crafts fair. Then, we went to lunch.
